Just thinking

I remember talking with my sister-in-law Shanel one time about how after having a baby, a woman kind of loses who they are and they have to re-define themselves. I was thinking about this again tonight as I was rocking my baby. It's so true how what we have defines us. I am a mother to grade schoolers, a preschooler and a baby. What I do and the roles I have are different now then they were just 2 years ago. And my life will change and be different each year, because of who I am...a mother.

And even though that is a scary thought...I'm okay with that. I will have to adjust and learn to go with the flow. Re-defining myself is just too overrated. :)

Well...isn't that interesting....

Usually after two months of no activity, my friend sends me a very short message that says something like..."it's been two months!" Well...she must be busy because I didn't get a reminder! :)

But I have been busy. May and June, so far, have been busy months. In May it started with end of school programs and picnics and June was class parties and teacher gifts and class award parties and the end of school. Now that school is out, it should be slowing down....or one would think. But I am probably busier! Now I have to make 4 lunches all at once instead of just two at a time. I have to plan around nap times and really consider if it is a good idea to take all of them to Sam's Club or Walmart or if I can just stay home. Sometimes I don't think I'm supposed to be a mom of 4. It's hard!! lol

But we have some fun things planned this summer. I hope they will have good memories! Next week we are headed to the beach. Then in July, I am headed up to Ohio. Then at some point, we will go visit Bon's brother, because we told the kids we would and by golly...they still bring it up. They want to swim in Alexandra's pool! lol

Last week I took Ty to Pre-K screening. I am not sure he'll be placed, but we will find out by the end of July. I am sad to think that he might be placed and be gone all day like a big boy. A part of me wishes that he will be home with me this last year before he really goes off to school.

Evan is growing so well. I still haven't started him on solids. I think I am going to start when he turns 6 months, in just a couple of weeks. He looks longingly at food...so I think he is ready. I'm just not ready! lol Ryan finally got a booster seat for his birthday, so I took the cover off his old carseat and today I bought some new material and padding and picked apart the old cover. I will use that as a pattern to make a new one. I looked online for new carseat covers and the cheapest I found was $67. My supplies cost me under $25. And I know I can sew it just fine. I am taking pictures as I go, just cause I want to feel cool. Like a true blogger. lol

Tomorrow I may take the kids to sign up for the summer reading program. And it's crack down time on their chore charts. Summertime does not equal playtime all the time like they think it does. ;)

Well, I should get to sleep. I will try not to neglect this blog so much. I need to put some pictures up, too. Soon, my faithful readers. Soon. *said in my best karate teacher voice*

It's happening...

I'm Southernizing. I don't think that is a real word, since it has a red squiggly line under it while I type, but if 'winterizing' can be a word, then so can Southernizing. So here's why.

After telling my older kids several times to pick up their toys and come inside for dinner, I said "Pick up your toys right now and don't make me say it again!"

Wait...what's wrong with that you ask? Weeeeelllll.....I didn't say "again" like I've said it for the last 30 years of my life. I said it more like "ah-gay-n". Three syllables and all.

Sadly, my friend Brenda heard me and stopped to stare at me. I was hoping she hadn't heard me but when she said "oh nuh uh. You did not just say that did you???" I knew I had been found out.

So the cat is out of the bag. Occasionally my tongue feels the need to Southernize words. And as long as I don't start saying colloquialisms in every conversation, then I'll be as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

The difference of a year

As I was driving today, I realized that it has been a year since I was at my lowest of lows. I thought about how much "higher" I am on the scale of emotional health. I would put myself in the safe zone. I still have areas that need work, but for the most part, I love who I am and what I have and can recognize the blessings of my life. I am thankful for prayer.

This afternoon my paternal grandmother passed away. She was 89. There will be a graveside service on Saturday and a memorial service after (her) church service on Sunday, followed by a church lunch. I will be leaving tomorrow with Evan and Ty and going to Ohio. I regret not seeing her this past summer. It seems that lately I am regretting too many things. I take for granted the delicate nature of life and keep the mindset that people will be there next time. Well, next time never came. And I am sorry. I haven't been close to her for a while now, but I still loved her. I have fond memories of her. I miss her already.

So live each day so you will have no regrets. Say "I love you" to your loved ones. Be the best you that you can be. If we all did that, our world would be better.

ramblings

I just need to ramble about some things.

We had our first snowstorm of the year this past Friday. The kids were so excited to see it falling and wanted to go out at 8 at night to play in it. Being the mean parents that we are, we told them that if they waited until morning, there would be more snow. And there was. They were in and out of the house all day on Saturday. Church was cancelled and so they played outside even more on Sunday. Our hilly backyard makes the perfect ramp, especially when you start at the top by the neighbor's fence and sled all the way down past the house to the sidewalk. Our neighborhood has a street that is basically a sledder's dream. Since the snow was over a layer of ice, the street was just perfect to go down, or so I'm told. I didn't venture out. :) But they cancelled school today and again tomorrow.

Evan is getting big. He is filling out and I had a newborn sized outfit on him this last week and it was the last time he could wear it because it was too small! We ate Chinese food Friday night and even though I was trying to stay away from something that might bother him, I guess the little bit of cabbage and two pieces of broccoli I had were just enough to make him fuss for the next 24 hours. He was grumpy with a capitol G! But he's much better now and just cute as cute can be. Ryan is especially sweet with him. Loves to touch him, wants to know where he is, constantly says "awww, baby Evan is SO cute!", etc. My mother-in-law made the comment about one of her grandsons and how tender he was and how his parents seem to try to toughen him up or beat the tender out. She said that one of her sons was the same way. (not Bon. lol) I often see how tender Ryan is and it breaks my heart when I feel anger towards him. I want him to keep the tenderness that he has. Such a gentle spirit that I hope I don't break. Gosh being a parent can rip your heart to shreds sometimes.

Bon's grandma passed away last week. He wasn't close to his grandparents growing up. I'm sorry that I didn't make more of an effort to get to know her. The times that I did spend with her were good. She sounds like she led an incredible life and did so with a great sense of humor.

I'm doing good this time around with the whole postpartum thing. I wake up sweating half the time, but I'm not feeling mopey or angry. There are moments when I do feel that way, but I think that is just normal hormone fluctuation/being a mom with 4 kids/being tired/etc. Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that I am old enough to have 4 kids. That I am a responsible person that has a house and a minivan and I have kids in school and I can multi-task. I do look around at my friends though and feel like I'm not in their league. Like I don't have my act together and I'm really just playing pretend while they do the real deal. I don't know why I feel that way though. I've been trying to figure it out for a while now.

Well, off to put dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Reagan is sleeping over at her friend Rylie's house. Ryan is asleep in bed and Ty is on the couch. Evan is sleeping and occasionally pooping/farting while in his bouncy seat. Bon is watching tv and looking over papers from work. Tomorrow will hopefully be another great day. I will be thinking of my mother-in-law (mom, I love you) especially.

And then there were 4

We welcomed Evan Lewis into our family on January 6, 2010 at 5:12 p.m. He came in at a whopping 8 lb. 7 oz and 21.25 inches. I will copy the birth story that I wrote on an LDS forum I belong to. Before I do that, however, I am so grateful that he is here and healthy. I love to sit and cuddle with him and I will admit that I'm not very good at sharing him. Even Bon has commented that Evan isn't happy unless I'm holding him. I think it must be that way because I am treasuring this babyhood. I regret not holding my other kids more, savoring in their babyness. I regret not making the time for that. Thinking that other things mattered more was a huge mistake. But now is the time I can correct that. I hope that my love for all of my children is reflected to them. I hope that as this new year marches on, that I can be a better mother. I want all my kids to think they are my favorite. Maybe to have them feel like they are the most important and treasured person whenever we spend time together. I know that I fall short of giving them that feeling, but it is my goal this year, to give them the best me I can be.

Here is Evan's birth story. His name by the way, was chosen from a baby name book. I really liked Landon, but Bon wasn't sold on it, so I started going through the book again and liked Evan, so I wrote it down. Bon took to it right away. Lewis, however, was my grandfather's middle name.

We decided to go with induction because I got to my due date (Jan. 4) and there still wasn't anything going on. I was dilated to a two, but by this point I was just frustrated, depressed and very uncomfortable. So we arrived at the hospital on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 7:45a.m. Fill out some paperwork and then get to my room. The midwife that is in the group I saw throughout pregnancy was the one that was there to check me and get everything going. She had checked me on Monday and I was a two. And on Wednesday I was still a two. She has really small hands and I just remember that her exams hurt...a lot. lol

So by 8:15, I'm all settled and the pitocin starts. I've never been induced with pitocin for a live birth before, so I didn't know what to expect. I've heard a lot of horror stories about it, but it really wasn't bad for me. My contractions started around 9 and they stayed steady and really weren't that painful. Closer to 11:30 though, I was starting to get nervous because the midwife said she would be back to check me at lunchtime and would probably break my water then. Well, I knew that I didn't want her to break my water without an epidural, so I think it must've been a little after 12, when they started getting stuff ready for the epidural. The nurse brings in a step stool and a chair and Bon and I wonder what is up. lol The step stool is for me to brace my feet on and the chair is for Bon. They don't allow the husbands to stand up anymore because they had one fall and crack his head open and end up in the ER while his wife is laboring away. lol So the closest Bon can get to me is to rub my leg. Needles freak me out to begin with, so I always get really anxious and nervous with epidurals. I was hugged over the pillow and the anesthesiologist is doing his stuff and the pressure in my spine was more than I remember and I started feeling lightheaded. The nurse held my shoulder so I wouldn't fall in case I fainted. But he finished and I laid down and I started having what the anesthesiologist called a vasovagal response. My jaw was shuddering, my left eye was twitching and for the life of me, I could not stop blinking. lol That lasted about 10 minutes before I was back to normal.

But that is when my blood pressure started dropping. The alarm for the blood pressure thing went off several times before she set it to only go off if it dropped below 90 over whatever since my blood pressure is usually 110/60. Well it was still going off. I think the lowest that I know about was 78 over whatever. So she had given me three different doses of epinephrine to make it go back up. This goes all throughout the afternoon. The midwife comes in sometime around 1, I think, and I'm at a 4. She breaks my water and keeps saying..."whoa, that's a lot of water!" I get flipped from side to side about every hour. I felt some pressure at three and the nurse checked me and I was only a 6. Bummer! The nurse comes in at 4 o'clock to help me turn over and pulls the blanket back and says..."that's a lot of bloody show....let me just check you really quick." I was complete!! She decides not to move me (lol) and calls the midwife right away (who was at the office that is like....2 minutes from the hospital.) The midwife says that she'll "mosey on over". lol

They start getting the room ready, the warming table is brought in, the bed is broken down. They move me ever so carefully onto my back and get an oxygen mask on me. The midwife gets there and she starts doing her stuff and working with me. They call the NICU team up to my room because Evan's heart rate keeps decelerating during my contractions. So it goes from a room of 5 people to a room of at least 9 or 10 people in about 5 minutes. And I remember there was this guy that followed some nurses in and he was dressed in khaki's and a sweater and I couldn't see a name badge, so I was thinking...who the heck is that guy? But I later learned he was the NICU doctor. lol (by the time they came in, my legs were up in stirrups. lol)

I was so scared at this point. I didn't want to cry, but I was really close to it because I was tired and really scared for Evan. So, I pushed and pushed. More than I ever have with any other baby. It was so hard! I know I didn't push as long as some women have pushed, but to me it felt like forever. They finally told me that he was coming out face up, which was why it was hard for him to "turn the corner". I saw the midwife cut me a little to have more room. She had been stretching me but I needed more I guess. So I finally get his head out and they tell me to stop pushing. I know they are doing something, but I can't see what, and they are counting. I was so confused. Bon said that he was watching the midwife's face and her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. When it was all said and done, Evan had the cord wrapped around his neck 5 times!!! They said it wasn't tight, but they had never seen it around 5 times before. I finish pushing him out and he gets plopped up on my belly and he looks perfect. They whisk him away to the warmer right away though, so the NICU team can look him over. He was fine. I heard them say his apgars were good and he just stayed in the warmer content and happy as can be. He just looked around at everyone.

So on Wednesday January 6, 2010, at 5:12 p.m., Evan Lewis Carter joined our family. He was 8 lb 7 oz, 21.25 inches long and just absolutely perfect.

Ty

As horrible as this is to admit, Ty is *shhhh*my favorite*shhhh* kid as of lately. Even at the age of 3, he expresses himself so well and has a pretty good grasp on things. He helps fold towels and if I ask him to do something, he will say "I won't do it if you ask me once, but if you ask me two times and say it like this "___________, pretty please?? I'll do it." His favorite things are Curious George, Dinosaur Train and playing make believe. He does great at playing by himself and sings to himself a lot too.

Here's a sampling of some things he's said/done lately.

Last week, we went to Target twice, once on Monday and then on Friday. On Monday, he was a bit off his game and was a little whiny and threw a fit because I didn't let him get an "awesome" cart. An awesome cart is the kind that is cumbersome where there are the hard plastic seats for more than one kid, except they never sit there and hop off and on the cart and it's longer than a normal cart, which means it's harder to steer and maneuver. Anyway...that fit should have been my clue to high tail it out of there, but I needed to get some things. Fast forward to the end where I pay for my purchases and Ty checks out the stuff by the register. I tell him to c'mon and he shows me that he shoved a huge push pop (candy) in his jacket pocket. I take it from him and toss it back to the candy part. Fit number two. I tell him it's wrong to take things without paying for them and that it makes Heavenly Father and Jesus sad when we do things that are wrong. I think he gets it. He's sad, but oh well. Fast forward to Friday. We hop out of the van and he tells me that he is going to pay for his candy this time because if he doesn't, Heavenly Father and Jesus will be sad. Cute or what?! He got it, even at the age of three.

Then a cute thing he did today. He was sitting beside me on the couch. He takes his hand and rubs it over my boob and says "Wow, his eyes are getting so BIG!!!" I manage to not crack up and ask who's eyes? He looks at me like I'm dumb and says "The baby's!!" That's when I crack up and tell him that all of the baby is in my belly. He has this really confused look and says "all in yours belly??" Oh, so funny!!!

I will say that I love all my kids. They each have a unique personality and I love them each deeply. I think that lately, I'm just loving Ty a little bit more because he won't be my "baby" anymore. :)

Some funny things

The first funny thing came from Ryan. Last Friday he comes home from school, pulls out a little bottle of water and says that they gave them out at school for the lock down. While I know that schools do practice lock downs, I was curious as to how long they practiced this lock down if they gave them water! lol So I said really, what did you do in the lock down? He told me they walked around in circles. LOL!!! OH, you mean "Walk-a-thon"??? Yeah, walk-a-thon. lol

So I told Bon that story and he thought it was pretty funny. So he asked Ryan about the bottle of water. Ryan told them that they got it in their "walk down". lol A little closer....

The next funny thing was tonight after Reagan and Ryan's soccer game. Everyone was kind of hyped up and just enjoying the time. We were on our way home from McDonald's drive thru and Ryan said something about what if he swung his hand and hit someone's head off. I said "That would be tragic!" Ty piped up and said "Tragic?! That would be MAGIC!!" Oh my gosh I bust up laughing!! I think I laughed the rest of the way home.

A Year Ago

So a year ago was one of the hardest weeks of my life. We left Ohio for the beautiful state of North Carolina. It is also the week that our sweet Logan would have been born. I mourned the loss of being close to my in-laws and my friends and I mourned the loss of a baby/pregnancy.

I have come a long way since then. Mentally I am feeling so much better. When I was seeing a therapist, she helped me through the grieving process much better than I could have done on my own. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the spring without being committed. I was terribly down. But now life has a purpose again.

Physically I am doing okay too. The pregnancy that I am experiencing right now is going well. I have some issues that I think about from time to time, but I don't dwell on those. I will take it in stride. I will trust our Heavenly Father to not give me more than I can handle and I will run and not be weary.

Spiritually I'm still just at the basics. Faith was really struggling there for a while, but through my own prayers and the prayers of others, I have felt the Spirit and know that I am still in the watchful eye of our Heavenly Father. And I will keep on keeping on.

I am grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my kids who make me laugh and/or cry every day. :) I am thankful for my friends, new and old, who have helped me whether they know it or not.

I will continue to remember this week in September for a while. But I will also look forward to making other memories and especially to this new little one, who will be a little slice of heaven.

Say what?

So if you have no knowledge of the characters of Mario Party, this post will be as confusing to you as it was to me. The following conversation happened yesterday between Ryan and I. It left me confused and laughing because I had no idea what was going on.

Ryan: Hey Mom, did you know that King Boo is Boo's dad?

Me: Really? Who is King Boo?

Ryan: Boo's dad.

Me: (laughing) Okay, who is Boo? (thinking the little girl from Monsters, Inc., but
knowing that's not what he's talking about)

Ryan: (gives me a look like...how could I not know who Boo is and he even huffs a little and sticks his hand out like he's frustrated with me)

Me: (laughing) I don't know who Boo is. Who is Boo?

Ryan: King Boo's son.

I burst out laughing because this conversation is just hilarious. I retold it to Bon when he got home and he kind of chuckled and asked Ryan who King Boo and Boo were and then realized that they were characters on the Mario Party game that our neighbor girl brought over to play on the Wii.


Another funny thing that happened with Ryan was last night at dinner. I had marinated some chicken and Bon grilled it and we were all at the table eating and Ryan had three helpings of chicken. He said about 4 times "This chicken is SO good!" After he finished eating, I was finishing up while Bon cleared the table. Ryan was still in the room with me, so I said "mmmmm.....this chicken is SO good!" Ryan leans over to me and in a dramatic whisper says " I know!" lol It was so funny.

I just have to post good things about Ryan so that on bad days with him I can read these and realize I really do love him and want to keep him!

Censoring himself

Earlier this week, I was told that Ty was laying in bed with no diaper and no pants on. He was just "playing" whatever version of his own game he had in his head and it seems I wasn't too concerned, because I forgot about him for a little while. I had seen Reagan and Ryan running around with two of our neighbor kids upstairs, but then, like an "aha" moment, I thought..."where's Ty?"

Well, he was indeed laying in bed with obviously nothing on. He had strategically placed his pillow and was off in dreamland.

Reagan's um..er...compliment?

Today I was sorting laundry in my bathroom when Reagan came in and said that the house was stinky.

Me: What does it smell like?
Reagan: It smells like you do when you first get out of bed in the morning.
Me: thinking...uh...thanks??

We walk out of the bedroom and I smell "the stink" too and say "Reagan, it smells like Ty went poop" while thinking...do I really smell this bad when I get out of bed?? lol

Cousin withdrawal?

My kids have been acting nuts the past two days. Whining, tattling, crying, fit throwing, you name it. They are doing it. And I'm about to strangle them.

I believe they are going through cousin withdrawal. For the last two weeks, they had cousins at their disposal to play with, watch tv with and to just hang around with. Now that we are back home, they seem to be annoyed with each other constantly. They are bickering like an old married couple and screaming like newlyweds. It's driving me to the looney bin! I'm not sure how to help them through this process. Maybe a good noodle flogging??

In other news, Monday I had a regular OB appt. We heard the baby's heartbeat at a fast 150. My next appt is scheduled for the 10th of August. That morning I have an ultrasound to "check growth" as my sister-in-law Shimber would say, since she doesn't find out the gender until delivery. But really the ultrasound is to find out gender. :) I think Bon and I want a girl, you know that Reagan wants a girl and in a sweet moment (seriously...it lasted only a moment) Ryan said he was hoping for a girl so that Reagan would have a sister. But we'll take a boy too. :)

Yesterday was Ty's third birthday. We got him a bike and helmet. He was super excited.

Sunday Ryan lost his first tooth. He said he pulled it out because it was so loose. The tooth fairy gave him a dollar in quarters.

Then last night Ryan and Ty were too scared to go to sleep because they were afraid the tooth fairy would come in and take their teeth. Bon told them that the tooth fairy only took teeth that were under pillows, so as long as they kept their heads on top of their pillows, there was nothing to be afraid of. lol I don't know how they slept after that comforting news.

Oh the things we think of just so we can get our kids to go to bed.....

Some people are so demanding

Hinting around that I don't post on here enough. Sheesh. ;)

Well, I'm sure that all of you loyal readers know by now that we are expecting again. Due date of January 4th. I'm excited and still battling nausea every day. I was sicker (is that a word?) toward the first of June and had to get an IV. But since then I have not thrown up. *knock on wood* Just trying to keep up on water intake is hard though, so I have days where I'm not feeling up to par. And lack of sleep makes me feel sick. Bon told me that should be a no brainer. :) Anyway...had my first check-up on Tuesday and they did a quick ultrasound and everything looked good! I hope it continues to grow and be healthy.

Last weekend we went camping with some friends of ours. We had a blast, even though the temps were in the 90's. We got a sweet campsite because our friend's dad works for the park, so we were in a secluded area. Had it all to ourselves and it was great! The kids did really well. It was Reagan and Ty's first time camping and they had a good time.

Ty had a tick bite him while we were there. We got the body off but the head didn't come out until Wednesday. And Wednesday was when he woke up with what I thought were hives. So I was a little concerned, but all the google images of tick rashes looked different, so I just gave him Claritin and rubbed hydrocortisone cream on him. Thursday he woke up with more of a rash and by late morning, his hands and feet were swollen. That had me very concerned, so I made an appointment. Turns out, he developed an allergy to penicillan, which he had been taking since the Monday before for an ear infection. So his rash is now all over his body and itches like crazy. He's still swollen and tired. After I'm done posting here, I'll give him an oatmeal bath.

Tomorrow morning we fly out to Utah! The kids are so excited for a plane ride and to see their cousins! I'm not even close to being all packed and ready, so I need to hustle. lol The difference from when we were first married to now is amazing to me. When we were getting ready to go on a trip when first married, I would have been packed by Wednesday, impatiently waiting for our departure. Now I'm lucky if I get done all I want to. :)

So off I go to grind some oatmeal for a bath. I really hope it works for him!

happy now Shaynee?? ;)

quick update.

Got a new computer. I'm in love with it.

Reagan is counting down until school's out. June 9th can't be here fast enough.

Ryan turns 5 on the 4th of June. I was mean and told him he wasn't getting a party. He was sad. lol Maybe he'll have one.

Ty is sleeping in a big boy bed. But is refusing to go potty on the big boy potty. So that's gross. He also pee'd on our bed last week after a bath. Bon was NOT happy, and neither was Ty after that swat on the bare bum. :(

I'm off to the store to grab some milk and other essentials. It's really hot down here and I wish our neighborhood had the pool built. We're having issues with them cutting the grass on the empty lots, so we definitely know a pool is not happening this year. Oh well...that's what friends are for. :)

*twitch twitch*

Bon's been gone for 3 days so far and I already have a twitch. It could be from Ty's whining/fit throwing that he's developed recently. Or it could be from Ryan's endless questions. Either one is bound to do it I suppose.

I wasn't going to, but now that you said it...I will.

Today I've felt progressively grumpier with the kids. Impatient, rude to them, to the point where I just needed to be away from them. Bon was sitting outside and told me to join him. We sat on the steps of our deck and looked into the sky and the trees. Commented on how nice it was, how the weather was perfect right then. Then, Bon being silly said "The sky is pretty. You're pretty." lol Then because I felt emotional right then, he looked over at me and asked if I was going to cry. "No!" I chuckled, making myself choke down the tears that hadn't reached my eyes yet. Then he asked if I was going to blog about it. lol Well, I wasn't, but now I am.

Truth is, it's a hard week for me. A year has passed so quickly and I'm working through my grief still. The raw emotion of it is still there. I feel like I should be able to move on from this. What other trials am I going to have to endure? How does Heavenly Father know that I can handle this when I already feel broken? Is there something I haven't learned yet?

Friday will be one year. Reagan has been wanting to wear my necklace to school. I told her that I needed to wear it right now because it's helping me this week. She asked me when Logan's birthday was. Soon, I told her. The next night she asked me again. I told her it was on Friday. How did she know? I love that girl so much.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. I am watching my friends girls in the morning and so I won't be able to sneak a nap in while the boys watch Curious George and Sid the Science Kid. :)

The big 3-0

I'm going to be 30 tomorrow. Holy cow. How did I get to be 30? It seems like just a few years ago Bon and I got married and then I blinked and now I'll be 30?? I remember when that seemed so old! Just like when living in the 2000's seemed soooo far away. But yet, we are 9 years into the 2000's and I'm not that old. lol I feel old some days, but I just remind myself that I'm 6 years younger than my sister. ;)

Nothing big to report. Reagan goes on a field trip tomorrow. She was in tears tonight trying to pick out clothes. I wanted her in shorts, she wanted a skirt. We finally settled on a skirt with the shorts built in. I told her that I was sorry I was snappy, but she was frustrating me. Her response?? "well...you're frustrating ME!" lol Yeah, I guess I was. too cute. I cut her hair last Sunday. She's been begging to have it cut short into a bob for a while. So since the chunk of hair that she cut when a toy got stuck in it was finally longer (you know...not at mid-ear length, but below her ear) I cut it. She looks really cute and she loves it.

We get to register Ryan this week for kindergarten! It'll surely be different here next year. I can't imagine both of them gone. I'm hoping that we can request teachers, cause I'd request the same one that Reagan has. Friday after school I took the kids to the park and I tried teaching Ryan and Reagan how to ride without training wheels. Ryan did really good and I was so sad I forgot my camera! But I didn't have much patience with Reagan. She was too interested in the world around her. People playing, cars driving by. Plus she would be leaning to one side and couldn't figure out how to correct her balance even though I was calmly and patiently trying to explain it to her. But man, my back was killing me by the end, from leaning over holding on to their seats while running behind them. I'll have to remember my camera next time.

Our neighbors have a dog. It's been quite the shaggy dog since they've lived here. But on Friday, they got her groomed and yesterday we saw "Pepper" after her cut and it's super short and cute. Today before church, we cut Ty's hair. It's usually an ordeal with lots of screaming and grabbing going on, but today he was good. But when our neighbor stopped by, he opened the door and said "I got my hair cut, just like Pepper!" It was totally cute.

Bon has some more traveling lined up. I haven't really been doing anything too newsworthy. Just trying to keep the house clean/tidy and my goal is to put away the laundry no more than two days after it's been folded. So far so good! lol Pretty lame news! :)

I know, I know!

It's been ages since I updated the blog. Does everyone really wonder what's going on in the mind of me? Cause sometimes it's a tad crazy! :)

The kids are doing great! Reagan lost her third tooth this morning. It's been super loose for a couple of weeks now and for about a week she would go to bed and tell me that in the morning her tooth would come out. And finally this morning, she pushed on it with her tongue and said "look how loose it is!" and it was like at a 90 degree angle. I told her to just pull it and she pushed on it again with her tongue and out it popped. We put it in a baggie and she's awaiting the tooth fairy to visit tonight.

Her parent teacher conferences were a few weeks ago. She's doing really well and gets along with everyone. Her teacher told me that right now their reading level should be at a 1/2 and Reagan's is at an 11/12. So she's basically reading at the level of what a first grader should be reading in the middle of their year. She got a card in the mail and she read all of it except for two words. I just can't believe how grown up she is.

Ryan is great too. He can still be my button pusher, but sometimes I look at him and my heart just melts with how much love I feel for him. In our ward, there is a Spanish "section" (it's not a branch, but they do have their own sacrament meeting, but their kids join our primary). In Ryan's class, there is a kid named Diego. I don't think Diego knows much English. And from what I've picked up from Ryan, I think that Ryan thinks Diego is "THE" Diego...as in Dora's cousin. Ryan will say stuff like "Diego was in my class today! He was wearing his backpack, but he had on normal church clothes." Or "Diego was wearing a cool watch, but it didn't have any animal stuff on it." It cracks me up!

Ty is still my snuggle muffin. He is talking up a storm and usually is volume is set at LOUD! And he gets mad when he's shushed. "NO! I'm tryin to tell you somethin!" We are slowly potty training him. He'll wake up dry every other day or so and so I try to get him to pee on the potty. But sometimes he wants nothing of it. I don't want to force it, so it's no big deal. Today he said something about something flying out of his butt and I cracked up. So of course he and Ryan start making up stuff to say using the word butt and try to make it funny so that I'll laugh agian. They are boys for sure!

Before Easter the kids were talking about Jesus dying on the cross and Ryan pipes in and says something about when Jesus's head was cut off. I wondered where they heard that from and they told me that the neighbor girl had told them that. I quickly informed them that his head was not cut off. Then Ryan said that Jesus had nails all over his body. Again..from the neighbor girl. So we had a short little Easter lesson all while riding home from the store. They were asking good questions too, like about the crown of thorns and why he wore it. It's times like that where I feel like I'm doing an adequate job of teaching my children the gospel. I may not understand it all myself, but if I can share and teach the basics, then that's what I can do.

Bon has been busy with work. He was gone for a couple of weeks at the end of March. He took off last Thursday and had Good Friday off work and it was so nice to have him here for four days. We worked on building our square foot gardens and doing stuff around the house. He installed some floresent lighting in the garage too, that is really brightened up our mess. ;)

I've been doing pretty okay. I've become good friends with one of my neighbors. She moved here from MI and didn't know anyone here and our kids are great friends. We are often at each others houses. We had them over for Easter dinner. I helped her build a swingset in their backyard. She's someone that I've felt comfortable with from the beginning, which is hard for me to do. I was like that with my best friend Kendra and I'm glad that I have found someone here that I can talk to and get to know.

I've started therapy and go once every two weeks. I'm learning new ways to think about situations and I'm trying new ways to be myself. I have to teach myself how to get along with myself, basically. My inner critic and the part of me that we have labled "reserved" aren't very nice to me and aren't who I really am, so I am trying to change myself to find myself. My thoughts have been flooded lately with the upcoming anniversary of losing Logan. My next appt with my therapist is May 1, the day that he was birthed, and my assignment is to bring a couple of helium balloons in baby colors to the session. I'm really dreading that whole week. This loss has really been hard on me and I've been good to cover it up. But that is also something I need to change. I don't need to cover my grieving because that is who I am right now.

I've also been trying to lose weight. I joined a gym with a couple of freinds and we go two or three times a week. (I couldn't go when bon was out of town, so I haven't been as much) I worked hard this week on my body and I am so sore! The muscles that you use for sneezing and coughing are aching! My arms are sore. But I feel like I notice a change. And that's good for me to make me keep going. I've lost 4 pounds too, by watching what I eat and using Sparkpeople.com. I have about 30 more that I'd like to lose, but we'll see once summer comes around what I'll be doing then. I've just never been this heavy (except when pregnant, so that doesn't count) and I don't like how I look or feel.

So there's your blog update folks. Now that it took an hour to type out, I better hit the sack!

Another edition of the things kids say

Last week, the kids were begging me to eat candy. Over and over and over. I was sick of them asking and tired of them whining and crying when I said no. Ryan asked me one more time and I finally said "go! Go eat candy til your heart's content!" He runs out of the room and says "Sissy! Sissy! Mom said we could eat candy till our heart was content!!" Reagan says "Ooohh!!! (pause) What does 'content' mean?" Ryan said "I don't know, but we get to eat candy!!"