Thursday, February 11, 2010

The difference of a year

As I was driving today, I realized that it has been a year since I was at my lowest of lows. I thought about how much "higher" I am on the scale of emotional health. I would put myself in the safe zone. I still have areas that need work, but for the most part, I love who I am and what I have and can recognize the blessings of my life. I am thankful for prayer.

This afternoon my paternal grandmother passed away. She was 89. There will be a graveside service on Saturday and a memorial service after (her) church service on Sunday, followed by a church lunch. I will be leaving tomorrow with Evan and Ty and going to Ohio. I regret not seeing her this past summer. It seems that lately I am regretting too many things. I take for granted the delicate nature of life and keep the mindset that people will be there next time. Well, next time never came. And I am sorry. I haven't been close to her for a while now, but I still loved her. I have fond memories of her. I miss her already.

So live each day so you will have no regrets. Say "I love you" to your loved ones. Be the best you that you can be. If we all did that, our world would be better.

Monday, February 01, 2010


I just need to ramble about some things.

We had our first snowstorm of the year this past Friday. The kids were so excited to see it falling and wanted to go out at 8 at night to play in it. Being the mean parents that we are, we told them that if they waited until morning, there would be more snow. And there was. They were in and out of the house all day on Saturday. Church was cancelled and so they played outside even more on Sunday. Our hilly backyard makes the perfect ramp, especially when you start at the top by the neighbor's fence and sled all the way down past the house to the sidewalk. Our neighborhood has a street that is basically a sledder's dream. Since the snow was over a layer of ice, the street was just perfect to go down, or so I'm told. I didn't venture out. :) But they cancelled school today and again tomorrow.

Evan is getting big. He is filling out and I had a newborn sized outfit on him this last week and it was the last time he could wear it because it was too small! We ate Chinese food Friday night and even though I was trying to stay away from something that might bother him, I guess the little bit of cabbage and two pieces of broccoli I had were just enough to make him fuss for the next 24 hours. He was grumpy with a capitol G! But he's much better now and just cute as cute can be. Ryan is especially sweet with him. Loves to touch him, wants to know where he is, constantly says "awww, baby Evan is SO cute!", etc. My mother-in-law made the comment about one of her grandsons and how tender he was and how his parents seem to try to toughen him up or beat the tender out. She said that one of her sons was the same way. (not Bon. lol) I often see how tender Ryan is and it breaks my heart when I feel anger towards him. I want him to keep the tenderness that he has. Such a gentle spirit that I hope I don't break. Gosh being a parent can rip your heart to shreds sometimes.

Bon's grandma passed away last week. He wasn't close to his grandparents growing up. I'm sorry that I didn't make more of an effort to get to know her. The times that I did spend with her were good. She sounds like she led an incredible life and did so with a great sense of humor.

I'm doing good this time around with the whole postpartum thing. I wake up sweating half the time, but I'm not feeling mopey or angry. There are moments when I do feel that way, but I think that is just normal hormone fluctuation/being a mom with 4 kids/being tired/etc. Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that I am old enough to have 4 kids. That I am a responsible person that has a house and a minivan and I have kids in school and I can multi-task. I do look around at my friends though and feel like I'm not in their league. Like I don't have my act together and I'm really just playing pretend while they do the real deal. I don't know why I feel that way though. I've been trying to figure it out for a while now.

Well, off to put dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Reagan is sleeping over at her friend Rylie's house. Ryan is asleep in bed and Ty is on the couch. Evan is sleeping and occasionally pooping/farting while in his bouncy seat. Bon is watching tv and looking over papers from work. Tomorrow will hopefully be another great day. I will be thinking of my mother-in-law (mom, I love you) especially.