Monday, December 21, 2009


As horrible as this is to admit, Ty is *shhhh*my favorite*shhhh* kid as of lately. Even at the age of 3, he expresses himself so well and has a pretty good grasp on things. He helps fold towels and if I ask him to do something, he will say "I won't do it if you ask me once, but if you ask me two times and say it like this "___________, pretty please?? I'll do it." His favorite things are Curious George, Dinosaur Train and playing make believe. He does great at playing by himself and sings to himself a lot too.

Here's a sampling of some things he's said/done lately.

Last week, we went to Target twice, once on Monday and then on Friday. On Monday, he was a bit off his game and was a little whiny and threw a fit because I didn't let him get an "awesome" cart.
An awesome cart is the kind that is cumbersome where there are the hard plastic seats for more than one kid, except they never sit there and hop off and on the cart and it's longer than a normal cart, which means it's harder to steer and maneuver. Anyway...that fit should have been my clue to high tail it out of there, but I needed to get some things. Fast forward to the end where I pay for my purchases and Ty checks out the stuff by the register. I tell him to c'mon and he shows me that he shoved a huge push pop (candy) in his jacket pocket. I take it from him and toss it back to the candy part. Fit number two. I tell him it's wrong to take things without paying for them and that it makes Heavenly Father and Jesus sad when we do things that are wrong. I think he gets it. He's sad, but oh well. Fast forward to Friday. We hop out of the van and he tells me that he is going to pay for his candy this time because if he doesn't, Heavenly Father and Jesus will be sad. Cute or what?! He got it, even at the age of three.

Then a cute thing he did today. He was sitting beside me on the couch. He takes his hand and rubs it over my boob and says "Wow, his eyes are getting so BIG!!!" I manage to not crack up and ask who's eyes? He looks at me like I'm dumb and says "The baby's!!" That's when I crack up and tell him that all of the baby is in my belly. He has this really confused look and says "all in yours belly??" Oh, so funny!!!

I will say that I love all my kids. They each have a unique personality and I love them each deeply. I think that lately, I'm just loving Ty a little bit more because he won't be my "baby" anymore. :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Some funny things

The first funny thing came from Ryan. Last Friday he comes home from school, pulls out a little bottle of water and says that they gave them out at school for the lock down. While I know that schools do practice lock downs, I was curious as to how long they practiced this lock down if they gave them water! lol So I said really, what did you do in the lock down? He told me they walked around in circles. LOL!!! OH, you mean "Walk-a-thon"??? Yeah, walk-a-thon. lol

So I told Bon that story and he thought it was pretty funny. So he asked Ryan about the bottle of water. Ryan told them that they got it in their "walk down". lol A little closer....

The next funny thing was tonight after Reagan and Ryan's soccer game. Everyone was kind of hyped up and just enjoying the time. We were on our way home from McDonald's drive thru and Ryan said something about what if he swung his hand and hit someone's head off. I said "That would be tragic!" Ty piped up and said "Tragic?! That would be MAGIC!!" Oh my gosh I bust up laughing!! I think I laughed the rest of the way home.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Year Ago

So a year ago was one of the hardest weeks of my life. We left Ohio for the beautiful state of North Carolina. It is also the week that our sweet Logan would have been born. I mourned the loss of being close to my in-laws and my friends and I mourned the loss of a baby/pregnancy.

I have come a long way since then. Mentally I am feeling so much better. When I was seeing a therapist, she helped me through the grieving process much better than I could have done on my own. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the spring without being committed. I was terribly down. But now life has a purpose again.

Physically I am doing okay too. The pregnancy that I am experiencing right now is going well. I have some issues that I think about from time to time, but I don't dwell on those. I will take it in stride. I will trust our Heavenly Father to not give me more than I can handle and I will run and not be weary.

Spiritually I'm still just at the basics. Faith was really struggling there for a while, but through my own prayers and the prayers of others, I have felt the Spirit and know that I am still in the watchful eye of our Heavenly Father. And I will keep on keeping on.

I am grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my kids who make me laugh and/or cry every day. :) I am thankful for my friends, new and old, who have helped me whether they know it or not.

I will continue to remember this week in September for a while. But I will also look forward to making other memories and especially to this new little one, who will be a little slice of heaven.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Say what?

So if you have no knowledge of the characters of Mario Party, this post will be as confusing to you as it was to me. The following conversation happened yesterday between Ryan and I. It left me confused and laughing because I had no idea what was going on.

Ryan: Hey Mom, did you know that King Boo is Boo's dad?

Me: Really? Who is King Boo?

Ryan: Boo's dad.

Me: (laughing) Okay, who is Boo? (thinking the little girl from Monsters, Inc., but
knowing that's not what he's talking about)

Ryan: (gives me a look could I not know who Boo is and he even huffs a little and sticks his hand out like he's frustrated with me)

Me: (laughing) I don't know who Boo is. Who is Boo?

Ryan: King Boo's son.

I burst out laughing because this conversation is just hilarious. I retold it to Bon when he got home and he kind of chuckled and asked Ryan who King Boo and Boo were and then realized that they were characters on the Mario Party game that our neighbor girl brought over to play on the Wii.

Another funny thing that happened with Ryan was last night at dinner. I had marinated some chicken and Bon grilled it and we were all at the table eating and Ryan had three helpings of chicken. He said about 4 times "This chicken is SO good!" After he finished eating, I was finishing up while Bon cleared the table. Ryan was still in the room with me, so I said "mmmmm.....this chicken is SO good!" Ryan leans over to me and in a dramatic whisper says " I know!" lol It was so funny.

I just have to post good things about Ryan so that on bad days with him I can read these and realize I really do love him and want to keep him!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Censoring himself

Earlier this week, I was told that Ty was laying in bed with no diaper and no pants on. He was just "playing" whatever version of his own game he had in his head and it seems I wasn't too concerned, because I forgot about him for a little while. I had seen Reagan and Ryan running around with two of our neighbor kids upstairs, but then, like an "aha" moment, I thought..."where's Ty?"

Well, he was indeed laying in bed with obviously nothing on. He had strategically placed his pillow and was off in dreamland.

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Saturday, July 18, 2009


Today I was sorting laundry in my bathroom when Reagan came in and said that the house was stinky.

Me: What does it smell like?
Reagan: It smells like you do when you first get out of bed in the morning.
Me: thinking...uh...thanks??

We walk out of the bedroom and I smell "the stink" too and say "Reagan, it smells like Ty went poop" while I really smell this bad when I get out of bed?? lol

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Cousin withdrawal?

My kids have been acting nuts the past two days. Whining, tattling, crying, fit throwing, you name it. They are doing it. And I'm about to strangle them.

I believe they are going through cousin withdrawal. For the last two weeks, they had cousins at their disposal to play with, watch tv with and to just hang around with. Now that we are back home, they seem to be annoyed with each other constantly. They are bickering like an old married couple and screaming like newlyweds. It's driving me to the looney bin! I'm not sure how to help them through this process. Maybe a good noodle flogging??

In other news, Monday I had a regular OB appt. We heard the baby's heartbeat at a fast 150. My next appt is scheduled for the 10th of August. That morning I have an ultrasound to "check growth" as my sister-in-law Shimber would say, since she doesn't find out the gender until delivery. But really the ultrasound is to find out gender. :) I think Bon and I want a girl, you know that Reagan wants a girl and in a sweet moment ( lasted only a moment) Ryan said he was hoping for a girl so that Reagan would have a sister. But we'll take a boy too. :)

Yesterday was Ty's third birthday. We got him a bike and helmet. He was super excited.

Sunday Ryan lost his first tooth. He said he pulled it out because it was so loose. The tooth fairy gave him a dollar in quarters.

Then last night Ryan and Ty were too scared to go to sleep because they were afraid the tooth fairy would come in and take their teeth. Bon told them that the tooth fairy only took teeth that were under pillows, so as long as they kept their heads on top of their pillows, there was nothing to be afraid of. lol I don't know how they slept after that comforting news.

Oh the things we think of just so we can get our kids to go to bed.....

Friday, June 26, 2009

Some people are so demanding

Hinting around that I don't post on here enough. Sheesh. ;)

Well, I'm sure that all of you loyal readers know by now that we are expecting again. Due date of January 4th. I'm excited and still battling nausea every day. I was sicker (is that a word?) toward the first of June and had to get an IV. But since then I have not thrown up. *knock on wood* Just trying to keep up on water intake is hard though, so I have days where I'm not feeling up to par. And lack of sleep makes me feel sick. Bon told me that should be a no brainer. :) Anyway...had my first check-up on Tuesday and they did a quick ultrasound and everything looked good! I hope it continues to grow and be healthy.

Last weekend we went camping with some friends of ours. We had a blast, even though the temps were in the 90's. We got a sweet campsite because our friend's dad works for the park, so we were in a secluded area. Had it all to ourselves and it was great! The kids did really well. It was Reagan and Ty's first time camping and they had a good time.

Ty had a tick bite him while we were there. We got the body off but the head didn't come out until Wednesday. And Wednesday was when he woke up with what I thought were hives. So I was a little concerned, but all the google images of tick rashes looked different, so I just gave him Claritin and rubbed hydrocortisone cream on him. Thursday he woke up with more of a rash and by late morning, his hands and feet were swollen. That had me very concerned, so I made an appointment. Turns out, he developed an allergy to penicillan, which he had been taking since the Monday before for an ear infection. So his rash is now all over his body and itches like crazy. He's still swollen and tired. After I'm done posting here, I'll give him an oatmeal bath.

Tomorrow morning we fly out to Utah! The kids are so excited for a plane ride and to see their cousins! I'm not even close to being all packed and ready, so I need to hustle. lol The difference from when we were first married to now is amazing to me. When we were getting ready to go on a trip when first married, I would have been packed by Wednesday, impatiently waiting for our departure. Now I'm lucky if I get done all I want to. :)

So off I go to grind some oatmeal for a bath. I really hope it works for him!

happy now Shaynee?? ;)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

quick update.

Got a new computer. I'm in love with it.

Reagan is counting down until school's out. June 9th can't be here fast enough.

Ryan turns 5 on the 4th of June. I was mean and told him he wasn't getting a party. He was sad. lol Maybe he'll have one.

Ty is sleeping in a big boy bed. But is refusing to go potty on the big boy potty. So that's gross. He also pee'd on our bed last week after a bath. Bon was NOT happy, and neither was Ty after that swat on the bare bum. :(

I'm off to the store to grab some milk and other essentials. It's really hot down here and I wish our neighborhood had the pool built. We're having issues with them cutting the grass on the empty lots, so we definitely know a pool is not happening this year. Oh well...that's what friends are for. :)

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

*twitch twitch*

Bon's been gone for 3 days so far and I already have a twitch. It could be from Ty's whining/fit throwing that he's developed recently. Or it could be from Ryan's endless questions. Either one is bound to do it I suppose.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I wasn't going to, but now that you said it...I will.

Today I've felt progressively grumpier with the kids. Impatient, rude to them, to the point where I just needed to be away from them. Bon was sitting outside and told me to join him. We sat on the steps of our deck and looked into the sky and the trees. Commented on how nice it was, how the weather was perfect right then. Then, Bon being silly said "The sky is pretty. You're pretty." lol Then because I felt emotional right then, he looked over at me and asked if I was going to cry. "No!" I chuckled, making myself choke down the tears that hadn't reached my eyes yet. Then he asked if I was going to blog about it. lol Well, I wasn't, but now I am.

Truth is, it's a hard week for me. A year has passed so quickly and I'm working through my grief still. The raw emotion of it is still there. I feel like I should be able to move on from this. What other trials am I going to have to endure? How does Heavenly Father know that I can handle this when I already feel broken? Is there something I haven't learned yet?

Friday will be one year. Reagan has been wanting to wear my necklace to school. I told her that I needed to wear it right now because it's helping me this week. She asked me when Logan's birthday was. Soon, I told her. The next night she asked me again. I told her it was on Friday. How did she know? I love that girl so much.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. I am watching my friends girls in the morning and so I won't be able to sneak a nap in while the boys watch Curious George and Sid the Science Kid. :)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The big 3-0

I'm going to be 30 tomorrow. Holy cow. How did I get to be 30? It seems like just a few years ago Bon and I got married and then I blinked and now I'll be 30?? I remember when that seemed so old! Just like when living in the 2000's seemed soooo far away. But yet, we are 9 years into the 2000's and I'm not that old. lol I feel old some days, but I just remind myself that I'm 6 years younger than my sister. ;)

Nothing big to report. Reagan goes on a field trip tomorrow. She was in tears tonight trying to pick out clothes. I wanted her in shorts, she wanted a skirt. We finally settled on a skirt with the shorts built in. I told her that I was sorry I was snappy, but she was frustrating me. Her response?? "'re frustrating ME!" lol Yeah, I guess I was. too cute. I cut her hair last Sunday. She's been begging to have it cut short into a bob for a while. So since the chunk of hair that she cut when a toy got stuck in it was finally longer (you know...not at mid-ear length, but below her ear) I cut it. She looks really cute and she loves it.

We get to register Ryan this week for kindergarten! It'll surely be different here next year. I can't imagine both of them gone. I'm hoping that we can request teachers, cause I'd request the same one that Reagan has. Friday after school I took the kids to the park and I tried teaching Ryan and Reagan how to ride without training wheels. Ryan did really good and I was so sad I forgot my camera! But I didn't have much patience with Reagan. She was too interested in the world around her. People playing, cars driving by. Plus she would be leaning to one side and couldn't figure out how to correct her balance even though I was calmly and patiently trying to explain it to her. But man, my back was killing me by the end, from leaning over holding on to their seats while running behind them. I'll have to remember my camera next time.

Our neighbors have a dog. It's been quite the shaggy dog since they've lived here. But on Friday, they got her groomed and yesterday we saw "Pepper" after her cut and it's super short and cute. Today before church, we cut Ty's hair. It's usually an ordeal with lots of screaming and grabbing going on, but today he was good. But when our neighbor stopped by, he opened the door and said "I got my hair cut, just like Pepper!" It was totally cute.

Bon has some more traveling lined up. I haven't really been doing anything too newsworthy. Just trying to keep the house clean/tidy and my goal is to put away the laundry no more than two days after it's been folded. So far so good! lol Pretty lame news! :)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I know, I know!

It's been ages since I updated the blog. Does everyone really wonder what's going on in the mind of me? Cause sometimes it's a tad crazy! :)

The kids are doing great! Reagan lost her third tooth this morning. It's been super loose for a couple of weeks now and for about a week she would go to bed and tell me that in the morning her tooth would come out. And finally this morning, she pushed on it with her tongue and said "look how loose it is!" and it was like at a 90 degree angle. I told her to just pull it and she pushed on it again with her tongue and out it popped. We put it in a baggie and she's awaiting the tooth fairy to visit tonight.

Her parent teacher conferences were a few weeks ago. She's doing really well and gets along with everyone. Her teacher told me that right now their reading level should be at a 1/2 and Reagan's is at an 11/12. So she's basically reading at the level of what a first grader should be reading in the middle of their year. She got a card in the mail and she read all of it except for two words. I just can't believe how grown up she is.

Ryan is great too. He can still be my button pusher, but sometimes I look at him and my heart just melts with how much love I feel for him. In our ward, there is a Spanish "section" (it's not a branch, but they do have their own sacrament meeting, but their kids join our primary). In Ryan's class, there is a kid named Diego. I don't think Diego knows much English. And from what I've picked up from Ryan, I think that Ryan thinks Diego is "THE" in Dora's cousin. Ryan will say stuff like "Diego was in my class today! He was wearing his backpack, but he had on normal church clothes." Or "Diego was wearing a cool watch, but it didn't have any animal stuff on it." It cracks me up!

Ty is still my snuggle muffin. He is talking up a storm and usually is volume is set at LOUD! And he gets mad when he's shushed. "NO! I'm tryin to tell you somethin!" We are slowly potty training him. He'll wake up dry every other day or so and so I try to get him to pee on the potty. But sometimes he wants nothing of it. I don't want to force it, so it's no big deal. Today he said something about something flying out of his butt and I cracked up. So of course he and Ryan start making up stuff to say using the word butt and try to make it funny so that I'll laugh agian. They are boys for sure!

Before Easter the kids were talking about Jesus dying on the cross and Ryan pipes in and says something about when Jesus's head was cut off. I wondered where they heard that from and they told me that the neighbor girl had told them that. I quickly informed them that his head was not cut off. Then Ryan said that Jesus had nails all over his body. Again..from the neighbor girl. So we had a short little Easter lesson all while riding home from the store. They were asking good questions too, like about the crown of thorns and why he wore it. It's times like that where I feel like I'm doing an adequate job of teaching my children the gospel. I may not understand it all myself, but if I can share and teach the basics, then that's what I can do.

Bon has been busy with work. He was gone for a couple of weeks at the end of March. He took off last Thursday and had Good Friday off work and it was so nice to have him here for four days. We worked on building our square foot gardens and doing stuff around the house. He installed some floresent lighting in the garage too, that is really brightened up our mess. ;)

I've been doing pretty okay. I've become good friends with one of my neighbors. She moved here from MI and didn't know anyone here and our kids are great friends. We are often at each others houses. We had them over for Easter dinner. I helped her build a swingset in their backyard. She's someone that I've felt comfortable with from the beginning, which is hard for me to do. I was like that with my best friend Kendra and I'm glad that I have found someone here that I can talk to and get to know.

I've started therapy and go once every two weeks. I'm learning new ways to think about situations and I'm trying new ways to be myself. I have to teach myself how to get along with myself, basically. My inner critic and the part of me that we have labled "reserved" aren't very nice to me and aren't who I really am, so I am trying to change myself to find myself. My thoughts have been flooded lately with the upcoming anniversary of losing Logan. My next appt with my therapist is May 1, the day that he was birthed, and my assignment is to bring a couple of helium balloons in baby colors to the session. I'm really dreading that whole week. This loss has really been hard on me and I've been good to cover it up. But that is also something I need to change. I don't need to cover my grieving because that is who I am right now.

I've also been trying to lose weight. I joined a gym with a couple of freinds and we go two or three times a week. (I couldn't go when bon was out of town, so I haven't been as much) I worked hard this week on my body and I am so sore! The muscles that you use for sneezing and coughing are aching! My arms are sore. But I feel like I notice a change. And that's good for me to make me keep going. I've lost 4 pounds too, by watching what I eat and using I have about 30 more that I'd like to lose, but we'll see once summer comes around what I'll be doing then. I've just never been this heavy (except when pregnant, so that doesn't count) and I don't like how I look or feel.

So there's your blog update folks. Now that it took an hour to type out, I better hit the sack!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Another edition of the things kids say

Last week, the kids were begging me to eat candy. Over and over and over. I was sick of them asking and tired of them whining and crying when I said no. Ryan asked me one more time and I finally said "go! Go eat candy til your heart's content!" He runs out of the room and says "Sissy! Sissy! Mom said we could eat candy till our heart was content!!" Reagan says "Ooohh!!! (pause) What does 'content' mean?" Ryan said "I don't know, but we get to eat candy!!"

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ah, springtime.

This weather is good for my soul. Sitting outside in the sun, reading a book. Heaven on earth.

We are planning out our garden. Tomatoes, zucchini, squash, lettuce, and some other stuff. I want to plant flowers in my front beds too. I thought impatiens would work well, since they don't get any or much sun. Poppy's look to be a popular flower down here too. I need to plant some bulbs too, but I guess I need to wait until fall.

The boys and I went to the county's main library yesterday. Holy normal size library! I was in heaven. This town's little branch is super-dooper tiny and it's amazing the variety of books the normal sized library has....I'm just not used to it! I just might make the 20 minute trek there every week....

So hold me accountable, but I want to lose 5-10 pounds this month. I've been creeping up the scales and am 20 pounds heavier than I normally weigh. And once I get down to what I normally weigh, I'd still like to lose about 15 from that. So I'm trying to eat better foods and less of it. Oh, and moving know. That blasted thing they call exercise. I hate sweating and feeling hot, so I struggle with that.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

An update

The world stopped down here in NC Sunday night into Monday. We got maybe 4-5 inches of snow and seriously...the world stopped. No one here is used to driving in snow, nor are the city's equipped with snow plows and salt trucks, etc. So school was cancelled on Monday and Tuesday and there was a 2-hour delay on Wednesday. There are still spots of snow on the ground, especially in places where the sun hasn't melted it. We also had a couple of power outages that lasted mere seconds. We heard a big crash on Sunday night and thought a car had crashed. Later on Monday we discovered that two trees had fallen on the other side of our property line (so away from us and our neighbor) and there is currently another tree that is leaning waaaaay over like something is pulling the top down. It's just a matter of time until that one breaks as well.

Saturday night we went to family in our church's house. We played games and we actually got Bon to play Guitar Hero, which amazingly he was good at! lol The kids had fun too. Unfortunately that night, Ty threw up all over his bed and himself. It's been a long week, but I think he's all better now. Hasn't thrown up since Tuesday.

Speaking of Tuesday, the older ones started swim lessons. They will continue them every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of March. Ty is also in a parent/child class on Saturdays for two months. Bon's going to them with him.

And an update on me. I started going to therapy. My first session was a couple of weeks ago. It went very well and we addressed a lot if things. I go back this coming Monday. When I left her office the last time, she told me I needed to work on lowering my expectation levels for myself. Right now they are too high and that's adding to my stress level, which is already high. And as I've typed it out or tell someone that I'm to lower my expectations, it sounds like horrible advice, but it really makes sense to me.

So that's where this Carter family is at right now.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Ryan is 4 and a boy. And I've been told that boys do this, but I'm embarrassed and afraid that he'll become addicted or something. And I'm sure some of you moms know what I'm referencing without even saying what he does.

So I've threatened that it will fall off. He doesn't believe me because, well...okay it won't fall off, but you think it would scare him enough that he wouldn't continually play with it. And it doesn't help that he has a patch of dry skin right above it where his band goes on his underwear. I've put lotion on it, but he's scratching that all the time too, which he gets nagged for because it's so close to the other offense.

I decided to try a different kind of underwear. One that didn't have the scratchy elastic band, but more of a "comfort band". So we got some of these.

Once we got home, I told him to go into the bathroom to put a pair on. A few minutes later I hear "MOM! You got me panties!!" in an angry sort of voice.

Turns out, there's no flap or opening in the front like a normal pair of boy's underwear, which is odd. But he doesn't ever use the flap, so it's fine that they don't.

Anyway. I think he's been scratching less. And he looks grown up wearing them instead of Spiderman and Lighting McQueen. ;)

But with the touching thing....I've been tempted to take Gentian Violet and dab some on when he's sleeping. I might scar him for life though, if he wakes up with it purple. What do you think??

Monday, February 23, 2009

New colors

About a month after Reagan started kindergarten, we found out there is a whole other blue that we didn't know of. Carolina Blue.

And just recently we learned of an even different color blue. Duke Blue.

Now nevermind that they are two different sports and leagues. That's not important. What's important is that we make sure she gets the Carolina Blue cup/plate to eat her meals on.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Today in church

if you happened to be sitting near our family, you would have heard this come from our two year old's mouth after seeing a slender black man.....

"is that Arock Obama?"

Bon's eyes got huge, as did mine, and then we bust up laughing. He asked me where he'd heard that from. Uh, tv, Reagan, Ryan, and have I mentioned on here that Reagan occasionally likes to watch Newshour with Jim Lehrer? lol So yeah. He's heard of our nation's president before.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Searching for myself

I've been doing some soul searching lately. Some digging down deep, trying to figure out who I am, what my purpose is, trying to find happiness or a sense of normalcy. I've been trying to find out why I feel the way I do and how I can get it to stop. I've always considered myself a strong person. Not only physically, but mentally. I've had one hell of a life. But I'm coming to my breaking point. I am struggling to hold on to me. My strength is running out and I'm finding it hard to hang on anymore.

2008 was such a hard year for me. From mid-January until late April, I was sick. Like barely functioning sick. That's just what pregnancy does to me. And once I started to feel better I learned that the baby died. What a shock. I grieve. And grieve some more.

And then I start to focus on selling our house. What a nightmare that was. It sold so quickly. It came as a shock to me. I wasn't ready to move. To say goodbye to my friends and in-laws. And then we found a house here in NC and we moved.

We moved in the week I was supposed to be having a baby. If you saw me that week, you wouldn't have known that my heart was heavy or that it was on my mind. But it was all I could think about. I was consumed.

And I am still consumed. I am depressed. I am jealous. I think about all the loved ones I have lost and the memory of them is still fresh in my mind. I cannot shake this heaviness that is in my heart and soul. I can feel happiness, but it only lasts a short while. And then my head is filled again with cloudiness.

I recently read this book. It is wonderful and I will be reading it again. I felt peace and understanding while reading it.

So for now I will be working on me. I will press forward and do all I can to help myself get to feeling normal and comfortable. I will continue to develop friendships here. I will try not to feel so self-conscious or feel like I'm losing my grip. And any extra thoughts or prayers on my behalf would be great.

Thank you for being my friends. My family. For being there if I needed you. I can only hope I can return the favor.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

9 bottles of water

That is what the kids decided to open and pour out on our driveway today...all at the encouragement of our next door neighbor girl. She comes up with some hair-brained ideas and my kids lose all sorts of common sense and self-control and they do what she says! It's ridiculous! The other day when she was over, I was upstairs sewing my curtains and they were downstairs. I came down and they had play-doh all over the living room/dining room, after I told them not to. And they had also made a drink consisting of orange juice, Bon's dairy free milk, juice from a capri sun and who knows what else. Bon said I should've made them drink it all, but I didn't want to clean up any puke. But because they mixed up that drink, there was a sticky mess all over my dining table and chairs and the floor. I was so mad. I had to mop and wipe it all down. After she had gone home, I learned that she made them (and by "made them" I mean "told them") to eat some play doh. So they did! We've been trying to tell them that they do not need to listen to her and to use their common sense! She's only 7, so it's not like she has that much either, but c'mon! She's a really nice girl and her parents are great too. I guess I'll just have to hang around better/more when they play together. *sigh*

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

When they are young

Do you ever look at your children and wonder when they were taught to demand things instead of asking politely?

Then sit back and let me explain something to you.

I've recently found the source of where they are being taught this behavior.

That's right. Dora and Diego. They are working together to corrupt the minds of our children. They teach that when you ask for something in a not so nice way, you get results.

And they also teach the pimp method. Dora wants her backpack? Well Dora gets her backpack. Oh, but not by asking for it nicely herself. She makes YOU ask for it. And it's not really even asking. It's like demanding. "What do we need?" "Backpack!" "What?" "Backpack!" "louder!" "BACK-PACK!" And voila. There's her backpack.

Next she'll be asking your kids to choose a gang color and consider her as the leader.

And Diego is no better. Heck. He yells at monkeys for misbehaving. I haven't been around too many monkeys, but I bet they are all ornery. And I bet they are pissed they are called the Bo Bo Brothers. I know I wouldn't be to happy about that.

So the next time you hear your kid screaming "BACK PACK!!" at the tv, maybe it's time to turn it to....Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

I know, you thought I was going to say off. I'm not *that* crazy! :)

Monday, February 02, 2009

Oh, this is bad

You know your two-year old has seen too much Mamma Mia when they are sitting by their sister and as she reads titles of books, she pauses and the said two-year old says "dot dot dot?"

If I was stronger

I would go and balance my washing machine.

But I'm not, so I won't.

Even though it's really annoying and loud. :)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Yet another

Poor me, woe is me post. Are you sick of these yet?

Why can't I just accept myself for who I am? Why am I always wishing to be thinner, happier, a better dresser, more friendly, a better housekeeper, a good decorator, etc, etc, etc!?

My life is good. Bon works hard to provide for us and give us everything we could ever need and it seems that all I ever do is wish myself and my surroundings different. Could that stem from the fact I was never good enough as a teen? Has that really damaged me, even after all this time?

I really miss my friends right now. I'll be getting together with moms from the ward 3-4 times this week and it just brings up my insecurities all over again. Trying to fit in or feeling like I need to fit in is hard.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

6 Random things

My friend who blogs here has asked us to list 6 random things in our fridge. Wanna participate? Feel free!

My six:
1. Home made grape juice.
2. a rotten cucumber.
3. a pound of ground turkey
4. cookie dough
5. lactose free milk
6. an orange soda

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It's like rollover minutes, but not.

You know those commercials on tv that have the rollover minutes? The kids try to get rid of them and the mom is adamant that they keep them because they are the same.

This one is my favorite. It cracks me up every time.

So, I've decided that chores are like rollover minutes. Whatever doesn't get done just rolls over into the next week/month/year. But unlike rollover minutes, rollover chores are not a good thing. That just means that a) there is too much to do and not enough time or b) I'm just lazy. And while I'd like to say that I'm productive most days, that would just be a lie. Sure...I get the kids dressed and fed and run the dishwasher. But I could do so much more.

And I realized too, that you must think that after this post last week, that I haven't done anything. Au contraire my friend. I have done some stuff, but not enough. And I did take pictures of what I have done. So just for some proof.

Notice my crush Chris Martin on the tv. He can sing to me anytime...

And check this out. You can see my closet floor! The one basket is socks that need mated and the other is socks/undies and stuff that just need put away.

So I will keep rolling over my work until it's done.

Which might be never.

Monday, January 19, 2009

What's that sound?

Oh, that's the sound of my butt spreading across this chair. You see, I feel like I've become one with the chair. You know, a sort of special relationship has formed between us. It allows me to sit at the computer and I allow it to...hold me....

Anyway. I've been sitting in this chair way too much lately. I've been trying to avoid being a parent, trying to deal with them by ignoring them isn't very family friendly, if you know what I mean. Ignoring them and being here is not going to make my problems go away, or clean my house, or teach my kids anything useful. So even though my husband is out of town for the week and I'd really like to be the one gone instead, I will make an effort to be sitting in this chair less.

I can do it.

I will do it.

I just need boundaries. Rules. And lots of chocolate....

Thursday, January 15, 2009


I usually have a mental list of different projects I want to do/get done. Like right now it's painting our end tables in our bedroom and the TV casing thing. And making a wallet for my sister, a dress or two for Reagan, maybe throw in a skirt too. But I'm usually a slacker and don't work on my projects like I want to. Maybe I can make this a new goal.

But tell me, oh faithful readers, what are some of your mental projects?

Right now it's really cold outside and Ty is playing...outside. By himself. Does that make me a negligent mom? I know he's out there, he has a big winter coat on, but no gloves/mittens and just crocs. Hopefully he'll come inside soon when he realizes how cold it is.

And in case you haven't heard me whine enough.... Bon is going to be out of town all next week. I'm going to be so bored! Anyone want to come visit? Reagan only has school two days next week....

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Just Keeping it Real

I'm part of an LDS moms private forum. We have a challenge going on, trying to motivate us to keep our houses clean. Cause cleanliness is close to godliness or something like that. A house of order... etc. I don't know how the sayings go, but I do know that I feel better when my house is in order. So the other day I took some pictures of the worst spots in my house at that moment. Some rooms have been picked up/swept, etc, but having three kids, it's impossible to always have everything in it's place all the time. So in a weeks time, I hope to show you improved pictures of these same trouble spots.

Our master bed. Sadly, this was taken the day I decided not to make our bed.

My half of the closet. It's a horrible, horrible mess. Excuse any inappropriate clothing you may see! I never wear anything remotely sexy. Never. ;)

Our bathroom

The play room. Ryan is in mid sentence there asking why I'm taking a picture of this huge mess. lol Well's this here thing called the Internet.....

I had more pictures, but this will have to do for now.
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Monday, January 12, 2009

That's just a depressing reality.

If you know me, you know how much I strive to have a clean presentable house. Some days (weeks!) when laziness and life take over, however, I fall behind, then get mad and then clean in a mad frenzied way. So lately I've been trying to not get lazy. I've been somewhat successful in keeping my house mostly presentable.

And I do most of this because I think this is how other people do it. I walk into their seemingly perfectly clean homes and think that they are really on top of things. They can prioritize and get it all done, all while having their kids dressed cute and well behaved. (these are sahm's by the way) So I think, if they can do it, so can I! What's so wrong with me that I can't get a handle on my life?


After learning last night that my neighbor (that stays at home, has two kids who *still take naps!* and has another on the way) has a cleaning lady, I realize that I am doing the absolute best I can all by myself! I'm actually feeling quite proud of what I am able to do cleaning wise in my home with three kids and a husband. I have been setting myself up for failure from day one with my old thinking. But now I know that even though my house isn't perfect, I have crumbs on my kitchen floor that need swept up, toys scattered in the family room and my dining room table is covered with kids' artwork, I am still doing the best that I know how.

And those are my Stuart Smalley thoughts for the day. :)

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

My kids are funny...sometimes.

Just now on the way home from the store, Ty was telling a knock knock joke. These usually consist of him saying knock knock to whomever is listening and then he says something random and it's never funny. Well. Most of the time. Today here's his joke.

Knock knock.
Who's there?

And even though that's not how the joke is supposed to go, that's where it ended. And it was funny because after he said it, both Reagan and Ryan gave a collective "ewwww" at the same time. Now *that* was funny.

Then Ryan was talking about dinosaurs and heaven. He asked if there was a dinosaur heaven. I told him I didn't know. Then Reagan told him he should ask his primary teacher on Sunday because she looked pretty old.

Ha! She later realized that his primary teacher was her primary teacher from last year so "she's not old". :)

Kids. Sometimes you just gotta love them. ;)

My new favorite recipe for this cookie

It's no secret that I like to bake. Yesterday I made banana bread and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Oh and some snickerdoodles too. Bon's favorite cookie is Oatmeal Chocolate Chip. I've used a recipe from Quaker Oats for many years, just substituting the raisins for choc. chips and omitting the cinnamon. But in the last few months, I tried a new recipe for them and couldn't decide which was better until last night. Last night I made the old kind. Never again. Dry, hard hockey pucks is what they are after just a night. So my new recipe comes from no other than Nestle. Here it is in case you want to give yourself a treat later. ;)

Choc-Oat-Chip Cookies

1 3/4 Cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt (opt.)

1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup butter or margarine, softened (I always use Crisco)
1/2 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 Tbsp. milk
2 tsp vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups quick oats
2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup nuts (opt.) (I never add nuts)

Preheat oven to 375*.

Beat sugars and butter in large mixer bowl until creamy. Beat in eggs, milk and vanilla extract. Gradually beat in dry ingredients. Stir in oats and chocolate chips. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

Bake for 9-10 minutes for chewy cookies or 12-13 minutes for crispy cookies. Cool on rack. Makes aprox. 4 doz. cookies.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Some picture sharing

If any of you know me really well, you'll know that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I try to hide it and it's often hidden amongst the clutter that is my house, but if something tedious (is that the right word?) is to be done, it needs to be done perfect. My perfectionitis usually flares up while sewing or baking or doing something like making gingerbread houses. But the day we made these, I tried, honest to goodness tried to refrain from telling the kids how to do it. I put the houses together for them and had them decorate. I had royal icing in baggies with a little corner cut off, and showed them how to squeeze it out and then stick the stuff on, but from then on...however they decided to put stuff on was their decision.

It was hard. Really hard. But they were so proud of their creations.

Reagan's house.

Ryan's house. He had Fruit Stripe shingles....

Ty didn't get to make one. He just enjoyed eating candy. lol

And our Christmas Eve. Grandma and Grandpa were able to be with us and it was great! Grandpa was the donkey, Reagan was Mary, Ryan was Joseph, and Ty and Grandma were Shephards. And the lazy parents just recorded the whole thing. ;)

I'll share more pictures later!
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Monday, January 05, 2009


Christmas is over, the New Year has begun. I sent Reagan off on the school bus this morning and it felt wonderful! No more fighting, screaming, door slamming...and that's all from me! ;) It's 8:15 and Ty is still sleeping which is wonderful. Ryan is watching Arthur and told me to be quiet as I got crushed ice from the fridge. I could almost go back to bed and snuggle in the warmth, but I feel like I need to maybe clean up the messes that are all over the house since we returned from our trip. We traveled to Ohio for almost a week and enjoyed seeing everyone. Our kids were very sad not to see more of Bryce, however, since he's very popular in our house. We also had Bon's parents here for 5 days and that was fun! I loved having them. :)

So on to keeping resolutions and trying to have a clearer head. Bon said that goals are better kept if they are simpler. So instead of saying "goal 1: Exercise 4 days a week" it would be an easier goal if I said "goal 1: put on exercise clothes". Which means that he really knows me well and knows that I will never exercise 4 days a week, but I do get dressed....

I hope you all had wonderful holidays! We are blessed to start our new year healthy and happy!