Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I wasn't going to, but now that you said it...I will.

Today I've felt progressively grumpier with the kids. Impatient, rude to them, to the point where I just needed to be away from them. Bon was sitting outside and told me to join him. We sat on the steps of our deck and looked into the sky and the trees. Commented on how nice it was, how the weather was perfect right then. Then, Bon being silly said "The sky is pretty. You're pretty." lol Then because I felt emotional right then, he looked over at me and asked if I was going to cry. "No!" I chuckled, making myself choke down the tears that hadn't reached my eyes yet. Then he asked if I was going to blog about it. lol Well, I wasn't, but now I am.

Truth is, it's a hard week for me. A year has passed so quickly and I'm working through my grief still. The raw emotion of it is still there. I feel like I should be able to move on from this. What other trials am I going to have to endure? How does Heavenly Father know that I can handle this when I already feel broken? Is there something I haven't learned yet?

Friday will be one year. Reagan has been wanting to wear my necklace to school. I told her that I needed to wear it right now because it's helping me this week. She asked me when Logan's birthday was. Soon, I told her. The next night she asked me again. I told her it was on Friday. How did she know? I love that girl so much.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. I am watching my friends girls in the morning and so I won't be able to sneak a nap in while the boys watch Curious George and Sid the Science Kid. :)


dorshan said...


EmLouisa said...

big hugs from me. I'm sorry.

Kendra said...

Oh Becky. I wish you could just see an ounce of what I see in you, of what The Lord sees in you. You are amazing, wonderful, trustworthy, loving, compassionate and STRONG!

Ruth Vest said...

kids are so in tune with everything-pray, spend time with Bon and allow time to pass.

Jeanette said...

I'm sorry Becky. The thing about grief though is that it never goes away, you'll always mourn the loss. Anyone who says otherwise hasn't lost someone. It does get easier but its not something you ever "get over" and there are so many reminders and then dates like this that makes it even harder. Just know that there's no timeline on these things and no one expects you to feel or do anything different than you are right now. And Kendra is right about everything she said about you.