Wednesday, March 13, 2013

And repeat.

Tonight as the kids were trying to settle down for bed (man, this daylight savings time is KILLER!), I came downstairs to survey the mess.  I looked around and saw dirty dishes all over the counters, piling out of the sink, the empty dishwasher just opened up and ready for business.  I saw bookbags scattered on the floor, partnered with the shoes that carried them to and from school that day.  I saw jackets laying lifeless, stretched from one room into the next.  And I stood in the middle of it all and made a guttural noise and rubbed my eyes and face to prevent myself from breaking into tears.  Bon asked what was wrong and I quickly said that life sucks sometimes.  It's the same thing every day.  Over and over.  I dove into the dishes and scrubbed some of my frustrations out.

Then I felt so dumb.  Of course it's the same thing every day!  Would I rather live a life where I don't know where I'll be one day to the next?  Would I rather live a life clean and tidy without my children or husband?  A big fat NO!

So while I strive to have the picture perfect life, I understand that I will always have a pile or three of something, anything laying around waiting to find it's proper home.  I will always find scissors anywhere else but where they belong.  I will always know that I won't ever have the complete set of screwdrivers in one spot at one time.  My floors will have crumbs, the walls will have fingerprints and it might even be a little gross around the toilet until I get a chance to clean.  But that's okay.  No one is eating off of any of those.

As long as I remember to always tell my kids that I love them.  That I always give them my attention and praise.  That they feel love and safety when they are with me.   Those are the things that matter.