The highlight of my day

Ty losing his cord! Wahoo!! I hate those ugly little things!!!!

That's all. Return to your normally scheduled programs... :)

Emotions, emotions everywhere

These baby blues suck. Really. I mean, how many times can I cry at the drop of a hat or cry for 20 minutes straight with thoughts of "how is my daughter going to handle hearing that her best friend is moving all the way across country and will probably never see her again?" And what kind of mother am I for not preparing her earlier? Any decent mom would give her daughter warning and ample time for grieving or whatever, but no, not me. I'm horrible!! Or at least I feel that way right now. How long will these feelings of overwhelming guilt consume me? How long will it take me to stop crying? lol And to add to this, I feel so disconnected with my husband right now. I love him to pieces and I know he loves me, but I don't think he's shown me any sort of affection since the baby's been here. I mean, sure, he bought me pizza because I wanted some, or he let me eat his ice cream, but c'mon. I want him to hug me, pat me on the back, tell me he loves me, give me a kiss....anything. I don't know that I've done anything like that to him, but I feel like he doesn't want me to. I dunno. I'm just bawling and whining. I guess it doesn't help that I'm listening to Josh Groban's Closer album. He sings so passionately, even on the songs that are in a foreign language.

Alright. I'm going to try and buck it up now. Kudos for you if you made it to the end without rolling your eyes and mentally telling me to "get a grip". :)

Week 1

Ahh....the baby is here and is one week old already. I am feeling less sore as the days drag on, but still as tired as I was when I went to bed when I wake up. (did that make sense??) My dh thought I was ready to pop back into the full-time mothering role this Monday and I told him on Tuesday that I was not. He's been an enormous help since then. :) It's been so weird for me to get used to a little bum and a floppy head after having toddlers for so long. I swear that my son gained 10 pounds since last week, because each time I pick him up, I think to myself "Did he really weigh this much before??" or "Have his legs always been that chunky?" Reagan is starting to regain her independance. She seemed to lose the ability to go to the bathroom by herself and go into different rooms alone as the baby's due date approached. But now, behold! The bathroom isn't scary anymore and she'll let us "listen" to her instead of watch everything she does. And she has decided that going into other rooms isn't all that bad. She still has an attitude though. Like now she's yelling at me "I don't want to sleep in my bed!" Little does she know her only alternative is the floor....

That's all for now. The babe is starting to stir. Probably from Reagan yelling. lol Isn't that the way it goes though, when you have kids?!

Kicking myself

I had my 38 week check-up today...with a nurse practitioner. yeah. You read that right. A nurse practitioner. WHAT WAS I THINKING??? They can't to squat for me! Why did I not say anything when they were scheduling my appt.? I mean, honestly. I can't say, "get this baby out of me before I freaking lose my mind and go postal!" or "strip my membranes!" or "what day are you on-call...schedule me in!" I think sometimes the people that schedule the appts. must be oblivious to how things go. I've seen 3 out of the 6 doctors in that practice for this whole pregnancy so far. Why, when I'm down to the last month, would I want to start seeing NP's or the midwife??? Um, hellooo?! I have nothing against NP's or midwives, but when I haven't wanted to see one for my whole pregancy (which has lasted long enough, btw), why would I want to start now? So yeah, back to the kicking myself thing. I am done. I am through. I want to evict this baby. And so today, as I spent a whole 5 minutes with the NP, I was pissed with myself for being so dumb as to let myself be scheduled with a NP when I knew last week that I'd be done and ready to get this baby out. So now I wait. I wait to go into labor. Or I wait for my appt. next Wednesday with an actual doctor. My favorite doctor. :)

Oh, and my appt update. Gained 5 pounds. That's now 22 lb's from my pre-preg weight. or about 35 pounds from my lowest weight during pgcy. My blood pressure was 112/60 or something like that. And my cervix is "definately softer, but still thick" and I'm not dilated, but she said that we could call it "fingertip" dilated if I really wanted some sort of progress. Gee. Thanks. *phlbt* <---That's me sticking my tongue out at her...

And besides sex, what are your techniques to make yourself go into labor??