Sharpies

Have you seen that commercial where the mom can't put the baby down or it cries? They show her trying to pack lunches for her older children and she sets the baby on the floor and he cries. She lifts him up and automatically he stops. Then she just puts his toes on the floor and he screams again and up he goes into her arms. She takes it all in stride and whips out her Sharpie retractable pen and manages to write the kids' names on their lunch sacks and adds a cute flower for the girl's bag, even. She manages to write on other things too, all while holding this baby (who is really maybe a year old or so).

Today, that crying baby is mine. I realize that my baby is only 2 months old, but every time I've set him down today, he's cried. I do have carriers to hold him in, but my back is already killing me and I have been bending down a lot today and since I don't trust baby wraps 100% to hold my baby in while I bend, that defeats the whole purpose. At least in my mind it does. I would love to just sit and hold him all day, but then nothing would get done and I'd become irritable and we don't want that. So like the Sharpie mom, I am left to do things one-handed while holding a baby. And amazingly, I got a lot of things done today. Maybe I'm more productive using only one hand/arm. Hmm...don't tell anyone...let's keep it our little secret.

Motivation

My motivation is seriously lacking lately. I swear my dh must think I'm on the computer all day because he seems to only see me when I'm sitting in the chair in front of it. I do do other things. Not many other things, but I do them. I think I would like for someone to take my kids for several hours (or days or weeks) and I could clean and sort through crap...uh, I mean our stuff that we never use, and get rid of it. But it would have to be on a day when my dh wasn't home either because he would see me sorting through our belongings and break out into a cold sweat. "Why are you getting rid of that?" Uhh....because it's been sitting in our garage since we were married and we'll never ever ever use it. And because I'm tired of looking at it and moving it around to make room for other things that we buy and will never ever ever use. That's why. Some days I have the motivation to do what I want and my kids will cooperate and play nice. Then there are the days where I have the motivation and my kids are absolute terrors. Those days are more frequent and I tend to get discouraged and lose my motivation. So alas, here I sit...with no motivation and one dirty and cluttered house. *sigh*

Ah, you so smart hubster!

But I really don't want you to be right.

For the past two days (it seems....it might've just been today) I've been feeding Ty every 1 1/2 -2 hours and to be honest, was getting tired of it. I mean, there's only so much suction these momma udders can take and they were getting tired too. If Ty wasn't eating, though, he was fussy and just not himself. Today he didn't sleep much because he was too busy fussing and eating! Every time Bon would hold him he'd say "I think he's hungry", which is usually what anyone will say when a nursing baby is fussy. "Impossible!" I'd think. I would glance at a clock and only an hour had passed since his last feeding. So tonight, as I reached the end of my rope (it was more than just Ty. I'm in a general pissy-ness about life right now sorta stage), I pulled out the sample can of formula we got with our hospital diaper bag and made a 4 ounce bottle. And what did Ty do? He gulped down 2 ounces, burped, took a little break and then finished it off. So yeah. He was hungry. But what do I do??

Well, I get sad. Sad because I think I might not be making enough milk for my wee one. I've never had this problem before, except for when I was pregnant and nursing. (which btw, is NOT the case here, since we haven't even dtd since I birthed the baby.) So now after doing a little research, I'm going to try and eat more oatmeal and see if that will boost my supply any. And drink more water. I could always do that too. I don't want to supplement. I don't want to give up breastfeeding. I am not ready for this yet. It makes me sad.

And for the general pissy-ness?? What do I do about that? Well, I would love it if my toddlers understood that waking a sleeping baby by giving him kisses and hugs is not my idea of "love". And if Ryan understood that roaring "Tyrone" in the baby's face doesn't really make "Tyrone" happy, it would de-stress me just a little. I can't seem to get the toddlers to understand that babies really can see further than 3 inches away and that sometimes they really do like to just sit and look at things. This whole being a mom thing is just hard. And lately I don't really want to do it. I love my kids, but sometimes I just don't love being their mom. lol How's that for making sense?