Monday, May 05, 2008

A great loss

Coming home from the hospital without our baby has honestly been one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I've really been trying to keep it together. Put on my happy face and come to terms with the reality of the situation. But it really sucks. My kids really don't know anything is different with me. But I can feel a deep sadness that is all-consuming right now. I cry at night after they are in bed so that my tears won't scare them. There is an emptiness that my arms can feel. I know I have many that I could talk to, but right now I'm still not ready. I don't know what feeling ready will be like. I know that Bon is sad too and that breaks my heart into more pieces. They say the first week is the hardest. When the first week is over, I'll have to see if that's true or not.

9 comments:

The Mommy said...

You are in my thoughts & prayers dear friend. I am so sorry you are having to walk this road. Take strength from those around you till you have it in yourself. Wish I could be there to help with something in person. I'm here by email or phone if you need anything.

Amy said...

((hugs)) it seems so small but it's all I've got. you decide.

taffi said...

((hugs)) and prayers. I am so sorry.

Kendra said...

*hugs* and more *hugs* I'm here whenever you need me....

Shanel said...

I wish I were closer so that I could give you a great big hug and help you through this. We love you guys so much..

Susan said...

I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you.

Rachelle said...

I am so, so sorry. You are in my prayers.

AimeeTheSuperMom said...

I've thought of you each and every single day. I'm so sad that your heart is so empty and sad. I'm here if you decide you want to talk.

Olivia said...

ditto Aimee. I'm here if you need me. You are still in my prayers each night.