How did God make us?

My four year old just asked me this question. This is how the conversation went.

Ryan: How did God make us?

Me: Well, he gave us bodies. And minds.

Ryan: So we can think?

Me: Yup. And he gave us hearts. (thinking that we have hearts to pump blood...you know. The anatomy aspect.)

Ryan: So we can love?

Me: yup. So we can love. (with tears welling up in my eyes)

The conversation continued on for a little bit, but nothing as sweet was said.

Sometimes Ryan is my biggest challenge. I wonder if I'm not showing him enough love, enough compassion. If I'm being too hard on him, expecting too much. I have a great love for him. I hope he knows that. And there are times like these where I'm so glad I see the softer side of my little rough man. :)

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ever get that "must move around furniture NOW" feeling? No? Yeah. *cough* Uh....me...either......

No really. The piano has always been against that wall. You swear it was on the other wall yesterday? No. Yesterday was opposite day. Did you miss that memo? And the living room was clean yesterday? Well that's a lie. My living room is never clean. Oh, you mean those boxes weren't laying on the floor there. Well....that's true.

Okay. You caught me. I decided to move around what little furniture we have in our living room. Basically we have our piano, a glider and footstool, a coffee table and a computer desk waiting for storage. And the little table that our computer is currently living on. But I'm liking the change. I'm hoping to get it done and after coming home from a party tonight, I'll walk in and think "self? You did a great job!"

Another change. I checked my email this morning and my bff sent me an email at 4 something this morning. After you get done saying "That's crazy!" in your best Brian Fellows impersonation, she was emailing to let me know she was on her way to the hospital!! Her water broke!! They just might be having their little girl join them today!!! I'm beyond excited! I just called. She's only at a 4, they have the pitocin cranked and she's really cold. And her epi is working good. Let's hope her babe comes today and is easy for her!!

Let's see....anymore changes? Um...no. I think that's my update for today.

Interesting thing....sorta

Last Tuesday morning was an interesting morning. It all started out normal. The kids and I came downstairs and ate breakfast. Then they headed outdoors for playing with "garage toys". Bikes and stuff. I hear a woman's voice ask if their mommy was home and inwardly groaned thinking it was a solicitor. I was still in my pj's, just catching up with my internet life. The doorbell rings and I answer it gearing up for the overpriced magazine "help me get through high school in a safe environment" spiel. When I do open it, I find a woman standing there, not trying to sell me anything, but handing me a bag that has a jar of homemade freezer jam in it. (my favorite, by the way) She lives on the street behind mine and our yards are kind of kitty corner of each other.

Earlier in April while I was outside planting flowers, she had come by, frantic, wondering if she could walk through my yard to see if her dog had gotten under the fence. Later she brought her dog by and said that "Daisy" had squeezed through a different part of the fence and was trapped in another neighbors fenced yard. lol Daisy is smaller than a full-size cat. When she came back the second time, we chatted for a bit. We talked about houses and neighbors, kids, etc. Found out her name is Betsy. lol Mine is Becky. It was a nice conversation.

So back to Tuesday. The jam she had given me was in thanks for letting her go through my yard a couple times to find her dog. I told her it was no problem. She started talking about her days when her kids were younger. She has 4 kids, her youngest just turned 18. She told me stories about how frustrating and challenging it was, yet how much she enjoyed it. She told me she had been up all night with a sick baby and the following morning, after resting and taking it easy, a lady in her church stopped by her house "inspired to pray for her". Betsy said she wanted to say "Pray for me?! Why don't you help me clean?!" It seemed like she understood that moms can't (and shouldn't) have spotless houses all the time. And that there should be no apologies for that. She'd be the kind of person I would let into my house, toys and clothes scattered everywhere, and not feel like I would need to apologize for it. She actually could see into my living room and saw that very scene. Anyway. Towards the end of the conversation (upwards of 1/2 hour) she said she felt like she needed to come over and tell me all that. That having children can be hard, but it is wonderful too. Being a mom can be hard, but the joy outweighs the heartache. She asked if she could give me a hug. As we pulled away from each other, I saw tears in her eyes and I was truly touched by her kindness.

Being kind to others is a gift I think we can all give. It's not hard and it's free. I know I need to work harder at being kind and not so judgmental and critical. I'm grateful for that morning and for the understanding she helped me gain.

Tragic

A girl I "know" from an LDS forum I belong to just flew to Dallas, TX with four of her five children yesterday. They were going to be with family for a month or so. Her husband, who stayed back in Idaho, just died tonight from a massive heart attack. They will be flying home tomorrow. Please keep the Parkin family in your prayers.

Whaddya mean

the garage door won't go down?? Oh, that's right. I see it now. It got unplugged by my kids.

Did I mention it's plugged into the ceiling?

The only conclusion I can come up with is somehow they caught their fishing pole in it while they were "fishing" and pulled it out. Yeah. I'll go with that one.

bedtime

Bedtime.

How I love thee. Blissful sounds of deep breathing and tired sighs.

And here I sit. Soaking in the sound of nothing.

Off I go soon. To clean up messes from today.

How many hours?

First off, I'd like to say hola to Jeanette and Kendra. Jeanette's been doing her blog thing for a while now, but Kendra just started. I kind of keep my blog to myself, not because I'm embarrassed or anything. The reason is more that if you say the word "blog" out here, some people would expect an "excuse me" afterwards thinking you were really enjoying your meal. They are both in my ward and both pretty cool.

Do you ever feel like there are not enough hours in the day to get done the things you want or need to get done? My hours of laziness catch up with me by nightfall when I look around my house and absorb the disaster that my children created but failed to clean up. There's a cute saying that goes: I was the perfect parent...then I had my own kids. To apply that saying to me, I would say: I was a clean person who kept a clean house...until I had 2+ kids. Trying to get our house ready to sell is a big joke. I feel like I've moved out a whole bunch of stuff, but there is literally more stuff to take it's place. And the house doesn't look any cleaner. That's the part that makes me feel like all my work is for naught. (look at me using "big" words.) Lately I've been staying up till the wee hours of morning, just to be alone. Last night I was up until almost 3. Mostly because the mosquito bites on my feet were itching so bad I had to make a Walgreens run at 2 in the a.m. for some anti-itch cream. The toothpaste that I thought I'd try just wasn't cutting it. (You don't want to know what else I tried...) Anyway. Bon called a realtor today and she'd like to do a walk through of the house sometime this week. *sigh* It's just so stressful! I need a fairy godmother to come help me clean and to have things magically disappear. Wouldn't that be nice. :)

Now that it's midnight, I'm off to put laundry away.

Shaken faith

So I won't lie and tell you that my world has been filled with posies and unicorns since the first of May. In fact, it's been quite opposite. My world seemed to be turned upside down and really knocked me flat for a few weeks. My faith in Heavenly Father was really challenged and I was distancing myself from Him. But just in these last two weeks or so, I have remembered things and re-read things that put a spin on my thinking. I am praying again.

One of the things that I finally remembered to ask my husband about was how many people were in the room while we delivered Logan. He said it was just four, as best as he could remember. Me, him, the doctor and a nurse. I asked where the nurse was during this. I know she was in the room, but I do not remember where she stood. But pretend you're laying in bed. Bon was to my left holding my hand. The doctor was to my right, by my knees. I never looked, but always to my right side (closer to me than the doctor) and always to my left (down by my feet) stood a person. Bon thinks the nurse was on my right, but I do remember her moving around, getting things, etc. but never looked directly at her. Even if she moved, though, someone was there. I firmly believe now, that my mom was in that room with us. I believe that she was there to comfort me and give me strength. And oh how that makes me feel. I miss her so much. I hardly knew her, but I miss her.

Another thing that has given me strength has been to re-read my patriarchal blessing. I am promised so many wonderful things if I just have faith. Faith. It seems like such a simple thing to have, but after it's shaken, you realize how delicate it is and how hard it can be for people to hang on to. I know mine almost slipped away. And it's not necessarily that my testimony was shattered, but it was more of a disappointment of a promise not being kept.

I also feel like Heavenly Father is giving me clearer thoughts in some areas too. Lately I'll have something come to mind and either won't do it or put it off. Then when the time has passed, I remember that I had the thought to do it and it's reminding me that the Holy Ghost is still here helping me. I need to heed the promptings and not assume I am in charge all the time. I'm a slow learner sometimes, but lately I have really needed the extra knowledge that He hasn't abandoned me.

I've been feeling blue for a few days. I feel like I'm wallowing in my sorrow, like I should be moved on by now. I know it's okay for me to feel this way though. My family is keeping me hopping. I'm trying to see the joy they give me every day. The way the kids play together, laugh, run, fight. lol It's keeping me solid.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy!

FOUR!!!

It was 4 years ago almost to the minute that I started having contractions. I should realize by now that you will do things your own way and in your own time. Or not at all. ;) You are so excited to have your "golden birthday" and have been telling people for weeks that you'll be four. You are so grown up already that you seem to have been four for a long time now. I had to keep reminding myself that you were only three. You love your sister and little brother. I enjoy watching you play with them and help them. I love to snuggle with you and watch you sleep. That's when you're quietest. ;) Some of your favorite things right now are turkey sandwiches with "white stuff" aka Miracle Whip and mustard, Caillou the most whiniest kid on the cartoon planet, playing with cars, riding your bike and being fast. We're going to have a party for you on Saturday. I'm hoping the weather gets nicer since it's thunderstorming and is supposed to be hot, hot, hot and rainy for the next few days. I hope you are happy. I hope you know how much we love you. I hope you will grow up big and strong and be a daddy, since those are your lofty goals right now. We love you, Ryan.

Newborn



One


Two (this is apparently the only picture I took of you this day! lol)


Three