Waking up at two in the morning from a bad dream. Checking on the kids to make sure they were still okay and spending extra moments memorizing their faces. Telling your husband about the bad dream, only to have the visions in your head. So real. So sad. Much crying before 7 a.m. Still having the heartache of loss. Empty arms, someone missing. The longing for more. Nothing a store could ever sell me, but more of us. Knowing that with more I become a person I don't like to be for 3 months.
Sometimes I wish time would rewind. We could push the minute hand back and set the pendulum swinging. Start over where we were last happy, where haunting visions didn't creep in, where laughing and feeling joy weren't so tiring.