And then there were 4

We welcomed Evan Lewis into our family on January 6, 2010 at 5:12 p.m. He came in at a whopping 8 lb. 7 oz and 21.25 inches. I will copy the birth story that I wrote on an LDS forum I belong to. Before I do that, however, I am so grateful that he is here and healthy. I love to sit and cuddle with him and I will admit that I'm not very good at sharing him. Even Bon has commented that Evan isn't happy unless I'm holding him. I think it must be that way because I am treasuring this babyhood. I regret not holding my other kids more, savoring in their babyness. I regret not making the time for that. Thinking that other things mattered more was a huge mistake. But now is the time I can correct that. I hope that my love for all of my children is reflected to them. I hope that as this new year marches on, that I can be a better mother. I want all my kids to think they are my favorite. Maybe to have them feel like they are the most important and treasured person whenever we spend time together. I know that I fall short of giving them that feeling, but it is my goal this year, to give them the best me I can be.

Here is Evan's birth story. His name by the way, was chosen from a baby name book. I really liked Landon, but Bon wasn't sold on it, so I started going through the book again and liked Evan, so I wrote it down. Bon took to it right away. Lewis, however, was my grandfather's middle name.

We decided to go with induction because I got to my due date (Jan. 4) and there still wasn't anything going on. I was dilated to a two, but by this point I was just frustrated, depressed and very uncomfortable. So we arrived at the hospital on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 7:45a.m. Fill out some paperwork and then get to my room. The midwife that is in the group I saw throughout pregnancy was the one that was there to check me and get everything going. She had checked me on Monday and I was a two. And on Wednesday I was still a two. She has really small hands and I just remember that her exams hurt...a lot. lol

So by 8:15, I'm all settled and the pitocin starts. I've never been induced with pitocin for a live birth before, so I didn't know what to expect. I've heard a lot of horror stories about it, but it really wasn't bad for me. My contractions started around 9 and they stayed steady and really weren't that painful. Closer to 11:30 though, I was starting to get nervous because the midwife said she would be back to check me at lunchtime and would probably break my water then. Well, I knew that I didn't want her to break my water without an epidural, so I think it must've been a little after 12, when they started getting stuff ready for the epidural. The nurse brings in a step stool and a chair and Bon and I wonder what is up. lol The step stool is for me to brace my feet on and the chair is for Bon. They don't allow the husbands to stand up anymore because they had one fall and crack his head open and end up in the ER while his wife is laboring away. lol So the closest Bon can get to me is to rub my leg. Needles freak me out to begin with, so I always get really anxious and nervous with epidurals. I was hugged over the pillow and the anesthesiologist is doing his stuff and the pressure in my spine was more than I remember and I started feeling lightheaded. The nurse held my shoulder so I wouldn't fall in case I fainted. But he finished and I laid down and I started having what the anesthesiologist called a vasovagal response. My jaw was shuddering, my left eye was twitching and for the life of me, I could not stop blinking. lol That lasted about 10 minutes before I was back to normal.

But that is when my blood pressure started dropping. The alarm for the blood pressure thing went off several times before she set it to only go off if it dropped below 90 over whatever since my blood pressure is usually 110/60. Well it was still going off. I think the lowest that I know about was 78 over whatever. So she had given me three different doses of epinephrine to make it go back up. This goes all throughout the afternoon. The midwife comes in sometime around 1, I think, and I'm at a 4. She breaks my water and keeps saying..."whoa, that's a lot of water!" I get flipped from side to side about every hour. I felt some pressure at three and the nurse checked me and I was only a 6. Bummer! The nurse comes in at 4 o'clock to help me turn over and pulls the blanket back and says..."that's a lot of bloody show....let me just check you really quick." I was complete!! She decides not to move me (lol) and calls the midwife right away (who was at the office that is like....2 minutes from the hospital.) The midwife says that she'll "mosey on over". lol

They start getting the room ready, the warming table is brought in, the bed is broken down. They move me ever so carefully onto my back and get an oxygen mask on me. The midwife gets there and she starts doing her stuff and working with me. They call the NICU team up to my room because Evan's heart rate keeps decelerating during my contractions. So it goes from a room of 5 people to a room of at least 9 or 10 people in about 5 minutes. And I remember there was this guy that followed some nurses in and he was dressed in khaki's and a sweater and I couldn't see a name badge, so I was thinking...who the heck is that guy? But I later learned he was the NICU doctor. lol (by the time they came in, my legs were up in stirrups. lol)

I was so scared at this point. I didn't want to cry, but I was really close to it because I was tired and really scared for Evan. So, I pushed and pushed. More than I ever have with any other baby. It was so hard! I know I didn't push as long as some women have pushed, but to me it felt like forever. They finally told me that he was coming out face up, which was why it was hard for him to "turn the corner". I saw the midwife cut me a little to have more room. She had been stretching me but I needed more I guess. So I finally get his head out and they tell me to stop pushing. I know they are doing something, but I can't see what, and they are counting. I was so confused. Bon said that he was watching the midwife's face and her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. When it was all said and done, Evan had the cord wrapped around his neck 5 times!!! They said it wasn't tight, but they had never seen it around 5 times before. I finish pushing him out and he gets plopped up on my belly and he looks perfect. They whisk him away to the warmer right away though, so the NICU team can look him over. He was fine. I heard them say his apgars were good and he just stayed in the warmer content and happy as can be. He just looked around at everyone.

So on Wednesday January 6, 2010, at 5:12 p.m., Evan Lewis Carter joined our family. He was 8 lb 7 oz, 21.25 inches long and just absolutely perfect.

Ty

As horrible as this is to admit, Ty is *shhhh*my favorite*shhhh* kid as of lately. Even at the age of 3, he expresses himself so well and has a pretty good grasp on things. He helps fold towels and if I ask him to do something, he will say "I won't do it if you ask me once, but if you ask me two times and say it like this "___________, pretty please?? I'll do it." His favorite things are Curious George, Dinosaur Train and playing make believe. He does great at playing by himself and sings to himself a lot too.

Here's a sampling of some things he's said/done lately.

Last week, we went to Target twice, once on Monday and then on Friday. On Monday, he was a bit off his game and was a little whiny and threw a fit because I didn't let him get an "awesome" cart. An awesome cart is the kind that is cumbersome where there are the hard plastic seats for more than one kid, except they never sit there and hop off and on the cart and it's longer than a normal cart, which means it's harder to steer and maneuver. Anyway...that fit should have been my clue to high tail it out of there, but I needed to get some things. Fast forward to the end where I pay for my purchases and Ty checks out the stuff by the register. I tell him to c'mon and he shows me that he shoved a huge push pop (candy) in his jacket pocket. I take it from him and toss it back to the candy part. Fit number two. I tell him it's wrong to take things without paying for them and that it makes Heavenly Father and Jesus sad when we do things that are wrong. I think he gets it. He's sad, but oh well. Fast forward to Friday. We hop out of the van and he tells me that he is going to pay for his candy this time because if he doesn't, Heavenly Father and Jesus will be sad. Cute or what?! He got it, even at the age of three.

Then a cute thing he did today. He was sitting beside me on the couch. He takes his hand and rubs it over my boob and says "Wow, his eyes are getting so BIG!!!" I manage to not crack up and ask who's eyes? He looks at me like I'm dumb and says "The baby's!!" That's when I crack up and tell him that all of the baby is in my belly. He has this really confused look and says "all in yours belly??" Oh, so funny!!!

I will say that I love all my kids. They each have a unique personality and I love them each deeply. I think that lately, I'm just loving Ty a little bit more because he won't be my "baby" anymore. :)

Some funny things

The first funny thing came from Ryan. Last Friday he comes home from school, pulls out a little bottle of water and says that they gave them out at school for the lock down. While I know that schools do practice lock downs, I was curious as to how long they practiced this lock down if they gave them water! lol So I said really, what did you do in the lock down? He told me they walked around in circles. LOL!!! OH, you mean "Walk-a-thon"??? Yeah, walk-a-thon. lol

So I told Bon that story and he thought it was pretty funny. So he asked Ryan about the bottle of water. Ryan told them that they got it in their "walk down". lol A little closer....

The next funny thing was tonight after Reagan and Ryan's soccer game. Everyone was kind of hyped up and just enjoying the time. We were on our way home from McDonald's drive thru and Ryan said something about what if he swung his hand and hit someone's head off. I said "That would be tragic!" Ty piped up and said "Tragic?! That would be MAGIC!!" Oh my gosh I bust up laughing!! I think I laughed the rest of the way home.

A Year Ago

So a year ago was one of the hardest weeks of my life. We left Ohio for the beautiful state of North Carolina. It is also the week that our sweet Logan would have been born. I mourned the loss of being close to my in-laws and my friends and I mourned the loss of a baby/pregnancy.

I have come a long way since then. Mentally I am feeling so much better. When I was seeing a therapist, she helped me through the grieving process much better than I could have done on my own. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the spring without being committed. I was terribly down. But now life has a purpose again.

Physically I am doing okay too. The pregnancy that I am experiencing right now is going well. I have some issues that I think about from time to time, but I don't dwell on those. I will take it in stride. I will trust our Heavenly Father to not give me more than I can handle and I will run and not be weary.

Spiritually I'm still just at the basics. Faith was really struggling there for a while, but through my own prayers and the prayers of others, I have felt the Spirit and know that I am still in the watchful eye of our Heavenly Father. And I will keep on keeping on.

I am grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my kids who make me laugh and/or cry every day. :) I am thankful for my friends, new and old, who have helped me whether they know it or not.

I will continue to remember this week in September for a while. But I will also look forward to making other memories and especially to this new little one, who will be a little slice of heaven.

Say what?

So if you have no knowledge of the characters of Mario Party, this post will be as confusing to you as it was to me. The following conversation happened yesterday between Ryan and I. It left me confused and laughing because I had no idea what was going on.

Ryan: Hey Mom, did you know that King Boo is Boo's dad?

Me: Really? Who is King Boo?

Ryan: Boo's dad.

Me: (laughing) Okay, who is Boo? (thinking the little girl from Monsters, Inc., but
knowing that's not what he's talking about)

Ryan: (gives me a look like...how could I not know who Boo is and he even huffs a little and sticks his hand out like he's frustrated with me)

Me: (laughing) I don't know who Boo is. Who is Boo?

Ryan: King Boo's son.

I burst out laughing because this conversation is just hilarious. I retold it to Bon when he got home and he kind of chuckled and asked Ryan who King Boo and Boo were and then realized that they were characters on the Mario Party game that our neighbor girl brought over to play on the Wii.


Another funny thing that happened with Ryan was last night at dinner. I had marinated some chicken and Bon grilled it and we were all at the table eating and Ryan had three helpings of chicken. He said about 4 times "This chicken is SO good!" After he finished eating, I was finishing up while Bon cleared the table. Ryan was still in the room with me, so I said "mmmmm.....this chicken is SO good!" Ryan leans over to me and in a dramatic whisper says " I know!" lol It was so funny.

I just have to post good things about Ryan so that on bad days with him I can read these and realize I really do love him and want to keep him!

Censoring himself

Earlier this week, I was told that Ty was laying in bed with no diaper and no pants on. He was just "playing" whatever version of his own game he had in his head and it seems I wasn't too concerned, because I forgot about him for a little while. I had seen Reagan and Ryan running around with two of our neighbor kids upstairs, but then, like an "aha" moment, I thought..."where's Ty?"

Well, he was indeed laying in bed with obviously nothing on. He had strategically placed his pillow and was off in dreamland.

Reagan's um..er...compliment?

Today I was sorting laundry in my bathroom when Reagan came in and said that the house was stinky.

Me: What does it smell like?
Reagan: It smells like you do when you first get out of bed in the morning.
Me: thinking...uh...thanks??

We walk out of the bedroom and I smell "the stink" too and say "Reagan, it smells like Ty went poop" while thinking...do I really smell this bad when I get out of bed?? lol

Cousin withdrawal?

My kids have been acting nuts the past two days. Whining, tattling, crying, fit throwing, you name it. They are doing it. And I'm about to strangle them.

I believe they are going through cousin withdrawal. For the last two weeks, they had cousins at their disposal to play with, watch tv with and to just hang around with. Now that we are back home, they seem to be annoyed with each other constantly. They are bickering like an old married couple and screaming like newlyweds. It's driving me to the looney bin! I'm not sure how to help them through this process. Maybe a good noodle flogging??

In other news, Monday I had a regular OB appt. We heard the baby's heartbeat at a fast 150. My next appt is scheduled for the 10th of August. That morning I have an ultrasound to "check growth" as my sister-in-law Shimber would say, since she doesn't find out the gender until delivery. But really the ultrasound is to find out gender. :) I think Bon and I want a girl, you know that Reagan wants a girl and in a sweet moment (seriously...it lasted only a moment) Ryan said he was hoping for a girl so that Reagan would have a sister. But we'll take a boy too. :)

Yesterday was Ty's third birthday. We got him a bike and helmet. He was super excited.

Sunday Ryan lost his first tooth. He said he pulled it out because it was so loose. The tooth fairy gave him a dollar in quarters.

Then last night Ryan and Ty were too scared to go to sleep because they were afraid the tooth fairy would come in and take their teeth. Bon told them that the tooth fairy only took teeth that were under pillows, so as long as they kept their heads on top of their pillows, there was nothing to be afraid of. lol I don't know how they slept after that comforting news.

Oh the things we think of just so we can get our kids to go to bed.....

Some people are so demanding

Hinting around that I don't post on here enough. Sheesh. ;)

Well, I'm sure that all of you loyal readers know by now that we are expecting again. Due date of January 4th. I'm excited and still battling nausea every day. I was sicker (is that a word?) toward the first of June and had to get an IV. But since then I have not thrown up. *knock on wood* Just trying to keep up on water intake is hard though, so I have days where I'm not feeling up to par. And lack of sleep makes me feel sick. Bon told me that should be a no brainer. :) Anyway...had my first check-up on Tuesday and they did a quick ultrasound and everything looked good! I hope it continues to grow and be healthy.

Last weekend we went camping with some friends of ours. We had a blast, even though the temps were in the 90's. We got a sweet campsite because our friend's dad works for the park, so we were in a secluded area. Had it all to ourselves and it was great! The kids did really well. It was Reagan and Ty's first time camping and they had a good time.

Ty had a tick bite him while we were there. We got the body off but the head didn't come out until Wednesday. And Wednesday was when he woke up with what I thought were hives. So I was a little concerned, but all the google images of tick rashes looked different, so I just gave him Claritin and rubbed hydrocortisone cream on him. Thursday he woke up with more of a rash and by late morning, his hands and feet were swollen. That had me very concerned, so I made an appointment. Turns out, he developed an allergy to penicillan, which he had been taking since the Monday before for an ear infection. So his rash is now all over his body and itches like crazy. He's still swollen and tired. After I'm done posting here, I'll give him an oatmeal bath.

Tomorrow morning we fly out to Utah! The kids are so excited for a plane ride and to see their cousins! I'm not even close to being all packed and ready, so I need to hustle. lol The difference from when we were first married to now is amazing to me. When we were getting ready to go on a trip when first married, I would have been packed by Wednesday, impatiently waiting for our departure. Now I'm lucky if I get done all I want to. :)

So off I go to grind some oatmeal for a bath. I really hope it works for him!

happy now Shaynee?? ;)

quick update.

Got a new computer. I'm in love with it.

Reagan is counting down until school's out. June 9th can't be here fast enough.

Ryan turns 5 on the 4th of June. I was mean and told him he wasn't getting a party. He was sad. lol Maybe he'll have one.

Ty is sleeping in a big boy bed. But is refusing to go potty on the big boy potty. So that's gross. He also pee'd on our bed last week after a bath. Bon was NOT happy, and neither was Ty after that swat on the bare bum. :(

I'm off to the store to grab some milk and other essentials. It's really hot down here and I wish our neighborhood had the pool built. We're having issues with them cutting the grass on the empty lots, so we definitely know a pool is not happening this year. Oh well...that's what friends are for. :)

*twitch twitch*

Bon's been gone for 3 days so far and I already have a twitch. It could be from Ty's whining/fit throwing that he's developed recently. Or it could be from Ryan's endless questions. Either one is bound to do it I suppose.

I wasn't going to, but now that you said it...I will.

Today I've felt progressively grumpier with the kids. Impatient, rude to them, to the point where I just needed to be away from them. Bon was sitting outside and told me to join him. We sat on the steps of our deck and looked into the sky and the trees. Commented on how nice it was, how the weather was perfect right then. Then, Bon being silly said "The sky is pretty. You're pretty." lol Then because I felt emotional right then, he looked over at me and asked if I was going to cry. "No!" I chuckled, making myself choke down the tears that hadn't reached my eyes yet. Then he asked if I was going to blog about it. lol Well, I wasn't, but now I am.

Truth is, it's a hard week for me. A year has passed so quickly and I'm working through my grief still. The raw emotion of it is still there. I feel like I should be able to move on from this. What other trials am I going to have to endure? How does Heavenly Father know that I can handle this when I already feel broken? Is there something I haven't learned yet?

Friday will be one year. Reagan has been wanting to wear my necklace to school. I told her that I needed to wear it right now because it's helping me this week. She asked me when Logan's birthday was. Soon, I told her. The next night she asked me again. I told her it was on Friday. How did she know? I love that girl so much.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. I am watching my friends girls in the morning and so I won't be able to sneak a nap in while the boys watch Curious George and Sid the Science Kid. :)

The big 3-0

I'm going to be 30 tomorrow. Holy cow. How did I get to be 30? It seems like just a few years ago Bon and I got married and then I blinked and now I'll be 30?? I remember when that seemed so old! Just like when living in the 2000's seemed soooo far away. But yet, we are 9 years into the 2000's and I'm not that old. lol I feel old some days, but I just remind myself that I'm 6 years younger than my sister. ;)

Nothing big to report. Reagan goes on a field trip tomorrow. She was in tears tonight trying to pick out clothes. I wanted her in shorts, she wanted a skirt. We finally settled on a skirt with the shorts built in. I told her that I was sorry I was snappy, but she was frustrating me. Her response?? "well...you're frustrating ME!" lol Yeah, I guess I was. too cute. I cut her hair last Sunday. She's been begging to have it cut short into a bob for a while. So since the chunk of hair that she cut when a toy got stuck in it was finally longer (you know...not at mid-ear length, but below her ear) I cut it. She looks really cute and she loves it.

We get to register Ryan this week for kindergarten! It'll surely be different here next year. I can't imagine both of them gone. I'm hoping that we can request teachers, cause I'd request the same one that Reagan has. Friday after school I took the kids to the park and I tried teaching Ryan and Reagan how to ride without training wheels. Ryan did really good and I was so sad I forgot my camera! But I didn't have much patience with Reagan. She was too interested in the world around her. People playing, cars driving by. Plus she would be leaning to one side and couldn't figure out how to correct her balance even though I was calmly and patiently trying to explain it to her. But man, my back was killing me by the end, from leaning over holding on to their seats while running behind them. I'll have to remember my camera next time.

Our neighbors have a dog. It's been quite the shaggy dog since they've lived here. But on Friday, they got her groomed and yesterday we saw "Pepper" after her cut and it's super short and cute. Today before church, we cut Ty's hair. It's usually an ordeal with lots of screaming and grabbing going on, but today he was good. But when our neighbor stopped by, he opened the door and said "I got my hair cut, just like Pepper!" It was totally cute.

Bon has some more traveling lined up. I haven't really been doing anything too newsworthy. Just trying to keep the house clean/tidy and my goal is to put away the laundry no more than two days after it's been folded. So far so good! lol Pretty lame news! :)

I know, I know!

It's been ages since I updated the blog. Does everyone really wonder what's going on in the mind of me? Cause sometimes it's a tad crazy! :)

The kids are doing great! Reagan lost her third tooth this morning. It's been super loose for a couple of weeks now and for about a week she would go to bed and tell me that in the morning her tooth would come out. And finally this morning, she pushed on it with her tongue and said "look how loose it is!" and it was like at a 90 degree angle. I told her to just pull it and she pushed on it again with her tongue and out it popped. We put it in a baggie and she's awaiting the tooth fairy to visit tonight.

Her parent teacher conferences were a few weeks ago. She's doing really well and gets along with everyone. Her teacher told me that right now their reading level should be at a 1/2 and Reagan's is at an 11/12. So she's basically reading at the level of what a first grader should be reading in the middle of their year. She got a card in the mail and she read all of it except for two words. I just can't believe how grown up she is.

Ryan is great too. He can still be my button pusher, but sometimes I look at him and my heart just melts with how much love I feel for him. In our ward, there is a Spanish "section" (it's not a branch, but they do have their own sacrament meeting, but their kids join our primary). In Ryan's class, there is a kid named Diego. I don't think Diego knows much English. And from what I've picked up from Ryan, I think that Ryan thinks Diego is "THE" Diego...as in Dora's cousin. Ryan will say stuff like "Diego was in my class today! He was wearing his backpack, but he had on normal church clothes." Or "Diego was wearing a cool watch, but it didn't have any animal stuff on it." It cracks me up!

Ty is still my snuggle muffin. He is talking up a storm and usually is volume is set at LOUD! And he gets mad when he's shushed. "NO! I'm tryin to tell you somethin!" We are slowly potty training him. He'll wake up dry every other day or so and so I try to get him to pee on the potty. But sometimes he wants nothing of it. I don't want to force it, so it's no big deal. Today he said something about something flying out of his butt and I cracked up. So of course he and Ryan start making up stuff to say using the word butt and try to make it funny so that I'll laugh agian. They are boys for sure!

Before Easter the kids were talking about Jesus dying on the cross and Ryan pipes in and says something about when Jesus's head was cut off. I wondered where they heard that from and they told me that the neighbor girl had told them that. I quickly informed them that his head was not cut off. Then Ryan said that Jesus had nails all over his body. Again..from the neighbor girl. So we had a short little Easter lesson all while riding home from the store. They were asking good questions too, like about the crown of thorns and why he wore it. It's times like that where I feel like I'm doing an adequate job of teaching my children the gospel. I may not understand it all myself, but if I can share and teach the basics, then that's what I can do.

Bon has been busy with work. He was gone for a couple of weeks at the end of March. He took off last Thursday and had Good Friday off work and it was so nice to have him here for four days. We worked on building our square foot gardens and doing stuff around the house. He installed some floresent lighting in the garage too, that is really brightened up our mess. ;)

I've been doing pretty okay. I've become good friends with one of my neighbors. She moved here from MI and didn't know anyone here and our kids are great friends. We are often at each others houses. We had them over for Easter dinner. I helped her build a swingset in their backyard. She's someone that I've felt comfortable with from the beginning, which is hard for me to do. I was like that with my best friend Kendra and I'm glad that I have found someone here that I can talk to and get to know.

I've started therapy and go once every two weeks. I'm learning new ways to think about situations and I'm trying new ways to be myself. I have to teach myself how to get along with myself, basically. My inner critic and the part of me that we have labled "reserved" aren't very nice to me and aren't who I really am, so I am trying to change myself to find myself. My thoughts have been flooded lately with the upcoming anniversary of losing Logan. My next appt with my therapist is May 1, the day that he was birthed, and my assignment is to bring a couple of helium balloons in baby colors to the session. I'm really dreading that whole week. This loss has really been hard on me and I've been good to cover it up. But that is also something I need to change. I don't need to cover my grieving because that is who I am right now.

I've also been trying to lose weight. I joined a gym with a couple of freinds and we go two or three times a week. (I couldn't go when bon was out of town, so I haven't been as much) I worked hard this week on my body and I am so sore! The muscles that you use for sneezing and coughing are aching! My arms are sore. But I feel like I notice a change. And that's good for me to make me keep going. I've lost 4 pounds too, by watching what I eat and using Sparkpeople.com. I have about 30 more that I'd like to lose, but we'll see once summer comes around what I'll be doing then. I've just never been this heavy (except when pregnant, so that doesn't count) and I don't like how I look or feel.

So there's your blog update folks. Now that it took an hour to type out, I better hit the sack!

Another edition of the things kids say

Last week, the kids were begging me to eat candy. Over and over and over. I was sick of them asking and tired of them whining and crying when I said no. Ryan asked me one more time and I finally said "go! Go eat candy til your heart's content!" He runs out of the room and says "Sissy! Sissy! Mom said we could eat candy till our heart was content!!" Reagan says "Ooohh!!! (pause) What does 'content' mean?" Ryan said "I don't know, but we get to eat candy!!"

Ah, springtime.

This weather is good for my soul. Sitting outside in the sun, reading a book. Heaven on earth.

We are planning out our garden. Tomatoes, zucchini, squash, lettuce, and some other stuff. I want to plant flowers in my front beds too. I thought impatiens would work well, since they don't get any or much sun. Poppy's look to be a popular flower down here too. I need to plant some bulbs too, but I guess I need to wait until fall.

The boys and I went to the county's main library yesterday. Holy normal size library! I was in heaven. This town's little branch is super-dooper tiny and it's amazing the variety of books the normal sized library has....I'm just not used to it! I just might make the 20 minute trek there every week....

So hold me accountable, but I want to lose 5-10 pounds this month. I've been creeping up the scales and am 20 pounds heavier than I normally weigh. And once I get down to what I normally weigh, I'd still like to lose about 15 from that. So I'm trying to eat better foods and less of it. Oh, and moving more...you know. That blasted thing they call exercise. I hate sweating and feeling hot, so I struggle with that.

An update

The world stopped down here in NC Sunday night into Monday. We got maybe 4-5 inches of snow and seriously...the world stopped. No one here is used to driving in snow, nor are the city's equipped with snow plows and salt trucks, etc. So school was cancelled on Monday and Tuesday and there was a 2-hour delay on Wednesday. There are still spots of snow on the ground, especially in places where the sun hasn't melted it. We also had a couple of power outages that lasted mere seconds. We heard a big crash on Sunday night and thought a car had crashed. Later on Monday we discovered that two trees had fallen on the other side of our property line (so away from us and our neighbor) and there is currently another tree that is leaning waaaaay over like something is pulling the top down. It's just a matter of time until that one breaks as well.

Saturday night we went to family in our church's house. We played games and we actually got Bon to play Guitar Hero, which amazingly he was good at! lol The kids had fun too. Unfortunately that night, Ty threw up all over his bed and himself. It's been a long week, but I think he's all better now. Hasn't thrown up since Tuesday.

Speaking of Tuesday, the older ones started swim lessons. They will continue them every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of March. Ty is also in a parent/child class on Saturdays for two months. Bon's going to them with him.

And an update on me. I started going to therapy. My first session was a couple of weeks ago. It went very well and we addressed a lot if things. I go back this coming Monday. When I left her office the last time, she told me I needed to work on lowering my expectation levels for myself. Right now they are too high and that's adding to my stress level, which is already high. And as I've typed it out or tell someone that I'm to lower my expectations, it sounds like horrible advice, but it really makes sense to me.

So that's where this Carter family is at right now.

Ryan

Ryan is 4 and a boy. And I've been told that boys do this, but I'm embarrassed and afraid that he'll become addicted or something. And I'm sure some of you moms know what I'm referencing without even saying what he does.

So I've threatened that it will fall off. He doesn't believe me because, well...okay it won't fall off, but you think it would scare him enough that he wouldn't continually play with it. And it doesn't help that he has a patch of dry skin right above it where his band goes on his underwear. I've put lotion on it, but he's scratching that all the time too, which he gets nagged for because it's so close to the other offense.

I decided to try a different kind of underwear. One that didn't have the scratchy elastic band, but more of a "comfort band". So we got some of these.


Once we got home, I told him to go into the bathroom to put a pair on. A few minutes later I hear "MOM! You got me panties!!" in an angry sort of voice.

Turns out, there's no flap or opening in the front like a normal pair of boy's underwear, which is odd. But he doesn't ever use the flap, so it's fine that they don't.

Anyway. I think he's been scratching less. And he looks grown up wearing them instead of Spiderman and Lighting McQueen. ;)

But with the touching thing....I've been tempted to take Gentian Violet and dab some on when he's sleeping. I might scar him for life though, if he wakes up with it purple. What do you think??

New colors

About a month after Reagan started kindergarten, we found out there is a whole other blue that we didn't know of. Carolina Blue.





And just recently we learned of an even different color blue. Duke Blue.





Now nevermind that they are two different sports and leagues. That's not important. What's important is that we make sure she gets the Carolina Blue cup/plate to eat her meals on.

Today in church

if you happened to be sitting near our family, you would have heard this come from our two year old's mouth after seeing a slender black man.....

"is that Arock Obama?"

Bon's eyes got huge, as did mine, and then we bust up laughing. He asked me where he'd heard that from. Uh, tv, Reagan, Ryan, and have I mentioned on here that Reagan occasionally likes to watch Newshour with Jim Lehrer? lol So yeah. He's heard of our nation's president before.

Searching for myself

I've been doing some soul searching lately. Some digging down deep, trying to figure out who I am, what my purpose is, trying to find happiness or a sense of normalcy. I've been trying to find out why I feel the way I do and how I can get it to stop. I've always considered myself a strong person. Not only physically, but mentally. I've had one hell of a life. But I'm coming to my breaking point. I am struggling to hold on to me. My strength is running out and I'm finding it hard to hang on anymore.

2008 was such a hard year for me. From mid-January until late April, I was sick. Like barely functioning sick. That's just what pregnancy does to me. And once I started to feel better I learned that the baby died. What a shock. I grieve. And grieve some more.

And then I start to focus on selling our house. What a nightmare that was. It sold so quickly. It came as a shock to me. I wasn't ready to move. To say goodbye to my friends and in-laws. And then we found a house here in NC and we moved.

We moved in the week I was supposed to be having a baby. If you saw me that week, you wouldn't have known that my heart was heavy or that it was on my mind. But it was all I could think about. I was consumed.

And I am still consumed. I am depressed. I am jealous. I think about all the loved ones I have lost and the memory of them is still fresh in my mind. I cannot shake this heaviness that is in my heart and soul. I can feel happiness, but it only lasts a short while. And then my head is filled again with cloudiness.

I recently read this book. http://www.amazon.com/Reaching-Hope-Perspective-Recovering-Depression/dp/157345849X It is wonderful and I will be reading it again. I felt peace and understanding while reading it.

So for now I will be working on me. I will press forward and do all I can to help myself get to feeling normal and comfortable. I will continue to develop friendships here. I will try not to feel so self-conscious or feel like I'm losing my grip. And any extra thoughts or prayers on my behalf would be great.

Thank you for being my friends. My family. For being there if I needed you. I can only hope I can return the favor.

9 bottles of water

That is what the kids decided to open and pour out on our driveway today...all at the encouragement of our next door neighbor girl. She comes up with some hair-brained ideas and my kids lose all sorts of common sense and self-control and they do what she says! It's ridiculous! The other day when she was over, I was upstairs sewing my curtains and they were downstairs. I came down and they had play-doh all over the living room/dining room, after I told them not to. And they had also made a drink consisting of orange juice, Bon's dairy free milk, juice from a capri sun and who knows what else. Bon said I should've made them drink it all, but I didn't want to clean up any puke. But because they mixed up that drink, there was a sticky mess all over my dining table and chairs and the floor. I was so mad. I had to mop and wipe it all down. After she had gone home, I learned that she made them (and by "made them" I mean "told them") to eat some play doh. So they did! We've been trying to tell them that they do not need to listen to her and to use their common sense! She's only 7, so it's not like she has that much either, but c'mon! She's a really nice girl and her parents are great too. I guess I'll just have to hang around better/more when they play together. *sigh*

When they are young

Do you ever look at your children and wonder when they were taught to demand things instead of asking politely?

Then sit back and let me explain something to you.

I've recently found the source of where they are being taught this behavior.




That's right. Dora and Diego. They are working together to corrupt the minds of our children. They teach that when you ask for something in a not so nice way, you get results.

And they also teach the pimp method. Dora wants her backpack? Well Dora gets her backpack. Oh, but not by asking for it nicely herself. She makes YOU ask for it. And it's not really even asking. It's like demanding. "What do we need?" "Backpack!" "What?" "Backpack!" "louder!" "BACK-PACK!" And voila. There's her backpack.

Next she'll be asking your kids to choose a gang color and consider her as the leader.

And Diego is no better. Heck. He yells at monkeys for misbehaving. I haven't been around too many monkeys, but I bet they are all ornery. And I bet they are pissed they are called the Bo Bo Brothers. I know I wouldn't be to happy about that.

So the next time you hear your kid screaming "BACK PACK!!" at the tv, maybe it's time to turn it to....Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

I know, you thought I was going to say off. I'm not *that* crazy! :)

Oh, this is bad

You know your two-year old has seen too much Mamma Mia when they are sitting by their sister and as she reads titles of books, she pauses and the said two-year old says "dot dot dot?"

If I was stronger

I would go and balance my washing machine.

But I'm not, so I won't.

Even though it's really annoying and loud. :)

Yet another

Poor me, woe is me post. Are you sick of these yet?

Why can't I just accept myself for who I am? Why am I always wishing to be thinner, happier, a better dresser, more friendly, a better housekeeper, a good decorator, etc, etc, etc!?

My life is good. Bon works hard to provide for us and give us everything we could ever need and it seems that all I ever do is wish myself and my surroundings different. Could that stem from the fact I was never good enough as a teen? Has that really damaged me, even after all this time?

I really miss my friends right now. I'll be getting together with moms from the ward 3-4 times this week and it just brings up my insecurities all over again. Trying to fit in or feeling like I need to fit in is hard.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day.

6 Random things

My friend who blogs here has asked us to list 6 random things in our fridge. Wanna participate? Feel free!

My six:
1. Home made grape juice.
2. a rotten cucumber.
3. a pound of ground turkey
4. cookie dough
5. lactose free milk
6. an orange soda

It's like rollover minutes, but not.

You know those commercials on tv that have the rollover minutes? The kids try to get rid of them and the mom is adamant that they keep them because they are the same.

This one is my favorite. It cracks me up every time.


So, I've decided that chores are like rollover minutes. Whatever doesn't get done just rolls over into the next week/month/year. But unlike rollover minutes, rollover chores are not a good thing. That just means that a) there is too much to do and not enough time or b) I'm just lazy. And while I'd like to say that I'm productive most days, that would just be a lie. Sure...I get the kids dressed and fed and run the dishwasher. But I could do so much more.

And I realized too, that you must think that after this post last week, that I haven't done anything. Au contraire my friend. I have done some stuff, but not enough. And I did take pictures of what I have done. So just for some proof.

Notice my crush Chris Martin on the tv. He can sing to me anytime...





And check this out. You can see my closet floor! The one basket is socks that need mated and the other is socks/undies and stuff that just need put away.


So I will keep rolling over my work until it's done.

Which might be never.

What's that sound?

Oh, that's the sound of my butt spreading across this chair. You see, I feel like I've become one with the chair. You know, a sort of special relationship has formed between us. It allows me to sit at the computer and I allow it to...hold me....

Anyway. I've been sitting in this chair way too much lately. I've been trying to avoid being a parent, trying to deal with them by ignoring them isn't very family friendly, if you know what I mean. Ignoring them and being here is not going to make my problems go away, or clean my house, or teach my kids anything useful. So even though my husband is out of town for the week and I'd really like to be the one gone instead, I will make an effort to be sitting in this chair less.

I can do it.

I will do it.

I just need boundaries. Rules. And lots of chocolate....

Projects

I usually have a mental list of different projects I want to do/get done. Like right now it's painting our end tables in our bedroom and the TV casing thing. And making a wallet for my sister, a dress or two for Reagan, maybe throw in a skirt too. But I'm usually a slacker and don't work on my projects like I want to. Maybe I can make this a new goal.

But tell me, oh faithful readers, what are some of your mental projects?


Right now it's really cold outside and Ty is playing...outside. By himself. Does that make me a negligent mom? I know he's out there, he has a big winter coat on, but no gloves/mittens and just crocs. Hopefully he'll come inside soon when he realizes how cold it is.


And in case you haven't heard me whine enough.... Bon is going to be out of town all next week. I'm going to be so bored! Anyone want to come visit? Reagan only has school two days next week....

Just Keeping it Real

I'm part of an LDS moms private forum. We have a challenge going on, trying to motivate us to keep our houses clean. Cause cleanliness is close to godliness or something like that. A house of order... etc. I don't know how the sayings go, but I do know that I feel better when my house is in order. So the other day I took some pictures of the worst spots in my house at that moment. Some rooms have been picked up/swept, etc, but having three kids, it's impossible to always have everything in it's place all the time. So in a weeks time, I hope to show you improved pictures of these same trouble spots.

Our master bed. Sadly, this was taken the day I decided not to make our bed.


My half of the closet. It's a horrible, horrible mess. Excuse any inappropriate clothing you may see! I never wear anything remotely sexy. Never. ;)


Our bathroom


The play room. Ryan is in mid sentence there asking why I'm taking a picture of this huge mess. lol Well son....it's this here thing called the Internet.....


I had more pictures, but this will have to do for now.

That's just a depressing reality.

If you know me, you know how much I strive to have a clean presentable house. Some days (weeks!) when laziness and life take over, however, I fall behind, then get mad and then clean in a mad frenzied way. So lately I've been trying to not get lazy. I've been somewhat successful in keeping my house mostly presentable.

And I do most of this because I think this is how other people do it. I walk into their seemingly perfectly clean homes and think that they are really on top of things. They can prioritize and get it all done, all while having their kids dressed cute and well behaved. (these are sahm's by the way) So I think, if they can do it, so can I! What's so wrong with me that I can't get a handle on my life?

Nothing.

After learning last night that my neighbor (that stays at home, has two kids who *still take naps!* and has another on the way) has a cleaning lady, I realize that I am doing the absolute best I can all by myself! I'm actually feeling quite proud of what I am able to do cleaning wise in my home with three kids and a husband. I have been setting myself up for failure from day one with my old thinking. But now I know that even though my house isn't perfect, I have crumbs on my kitchen floor that need swept up, toys scattered in the family room and my dining room table is covered with kids' artwork, I am still doing the best that I know how.

And those are my Stuart Smalley thoughts for the day. :)

My kids are funny...sometimes.

Just now on the way home from the store, Ty was telling a knock knock joke. These usually consist of him saying knock knock to whomever is listening and then he says something random and it's never funny. Well. Most of the time. Today here's his joke.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.....poopyhead.

And even though that's not how the joke is supposed to go, that's where it ended. And it was funny because after he said it, both Reagan and Ryan gave a collective "ewwww" at the same time. Now *that* was funny.

Then Ryan was talking about dinosaurs and heaven. He asked if there was a dinosaur heaven. I told him I didn't know. Then Reagan told him he should ask his primary teacher on Sunday because she looked pretty old.

Ha! She later realized that his primary teacher was her primary teacher from last year so "she's not old". :)

Kids. Sometimes you just gotta love them. ;)

My new favorite recipe for this cookie

It's no secret that I like to bake. Yesterday I made banana bread and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Oh and some snickerdoodles too. Bon's favorite cookie is Oatmeal Chocolate Chip. I've used a recipe from Quaker Oats for many years, just substituting the raisins for choc. chips and omitting the cinnamon. But in the last few months, I tried a new recipe for them and couldn't decide which was better until last night. Last night I made the old kind. Never again. Dry, hard hockey pucks is what they are after just a night. So my new recipe comes from no other than Nestle. Here it is in case you want to give yourself a treat later. ;)

Choc-Oat-Chip Cookies

1 3/4 Cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt (opt.)

1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup butter or margarine, softened (I always use Crisco)
1/2 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 Tbsp. milk
2 tsp vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups quick oats
2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup nuts (opt.) (I never add nuts)

Preheat oven to 375*.

Beat sugars and butter in large mixer bowl until creamy. Beat in eggs, milk and vanilla extract. Gradually beat in dry ingredients. Stir in oats and chocolate chips. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

Bake for 9-10 minutes for chewy cookies or 12-13 minutes for crispy cookies. Cool on rack. Makes aprox. 4 doz. cookies.

Some picture sharing

If any of you know me really well, you'll know that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I try to hide it and it's often hidden amongst the clutter that is my house, but if something tedious (is that the right word?) is to be done, it needs to be done perfect. My perfectionitis usually flares up while sewing or baking or doing something like making gingerbread houses. But the day we made these, I tried, honest to goodness tried to refrain from telling the kids how to do it. I put the houses together for them and had them decorate. I had royal icing in baggies with a little corner cut off, and showed them how to squeeze it out and then stick the stuff on, but from then on...however they decided to put stuff on was their decision.

It was hard. Really hard. But they were so proud of their creations.

Reagan's house.



Ryan's house. He had Fruit Stripe shingles....


Ty didn't get to make one. He just enjoyed eating candy. lol

And our Christmas Eve. Grandma and Grandpa were able to be with us and it was great! Grandpa was the donkey, Reagan was Mary, Ryan was Joseph, and Ty and Grandma were Shephards. And the lazy parents just recorded the whole thing. ;)


I'll share more pictures later!

Ah.

Christmas is over, the New Year has begun. I sent Reagan off on the school bus this morning and it felt wonderful! No more fighting, screaming, door slamming...and that's all from me! ;) It's 8:15 and Ty is still sleeping which is wonderful. Ryan is watching Arthur and told me to be quiet as I got crushed ice from the fridge. I could almost go back to bed and snuggle in the warmth, but I feel like I need to maybe clean up the messes that are all over the house since we returned from our trip. We traveled to Ohio for almost a week and enjoyed seeing everyone. Our kids were very sad not to see more of Bryce, however, since he's very popular in our house. We also had Bon's parents here for 5 days and that was fun! I loved having them. :)

So on to keeping resolutions and trying to have a clearer head. Bon said that goals are better kept if they are simpler. So instead of saying "goal 1: Exercise 4 days a week" it would be an easier goal if I said "goal 1: put on exercise clothes". Which means that he really knows me well and knows that I will never exercise 4 days a week, but I do get dressed....

I hope you all had wonderful holidays! We are blessed to start our new year healthy and happy!

Deep Breaths

In and out. Calm. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Deep breathe that stress away. Cause there are only 3 days left. Deep breath.

I have a sore spot on my shoulder that is from a tense muscle. It has not left. No matter if I massage the crap out of it, or take Advil or heat it. It's there. Might not leave until January at this rate.

My kids are getting ornerier by the day. I'm not sure if Santa will bring any gifts for them by the time Christmas actually rolls around. Sad part is, I know they are trying to be good!

My house is dirty, but live-able. No one would get sick or be sick from visiting, but I would like it to be spotless. Which is darn near impossible with three kids, two being boys.

And I can't find my brand new spool of green thread. Which I desperately need. I ask everyone every day if they've seen it. My kids always say "you already asked me" to which I reply "cause I'm hoping you found it!" I really don't know where it could be. grrr

And now I'm slowly uploading some pictures to Walmart for another Christmas gift. But walmart is taking For.EVER!

And I really need to go to bed.

Anyone else? No? Just me?

I am still not ready for Christmas. I always say how it has snuck up on me this year, blah blah blah, but this year, for reals, I am so not ready. I know it's coming, but I'm really trying to ignore it. We have one gift total for our kids. One. And so now my frantic countdown begins. 10 days. 10 days until Christmas! Ack!

Peace on Earth

As I was picking up the millions of papers off the floor and counter, I happened across this cute drawing my daughter did. I love it.

How cool

Okay. How awesome is this picture?! My son, who's 4, took it and I noticed it as I was uploading pictures. Doesn't it make you think he might be the next abstract photographer? It just cracks me up that this stuffed animal (Sparky) is staring at Ty's feet and Ryan managed to capture that. ;)

Friends

I have this friend who:

Always knows what the right thing is to say at the right time.
Makes me cry good happy tears without even trying.
Is like the sister I always wanted.
I miss like crazy.

Thanks Kendra for being my very best friend and understanding all of my wackiness. You can always put an eternal perspective on this year's trials and it makes me so grateful.

Holiday Parade

Today, since it was so well advertised (I joke! I heard nothing of it except that the kids got out of school early!), I decided to take the kids and go to the town's Holiday Parade. It was actually quite fun! I met up with a new friend from our new ward and a couple of her kids and we watched and laughed and had a great time! Her daughter was on a float towards the end and at the very end was Santa. Here are some pictures I took.

The start of the parade.



I guess this guy is a local weatherman. I had to get a picture of his name. :)



Ah, at this point in the parade, Kim (my friend) and I wondered where exactly they keep all these floats from year to year. Like "oh, I can't park in my garage because there's a giant red shoe in there"??? I did tell him that I loved his fries.



These guys were way cool. They would circle around going really fast and fall out of formation and go back into formation. I really liked watching them, like the nerd I am.



Here we all are enjoying the parade. Too bad my Ryan looks like a fish.



Probably the only snow we'll see this year. Wait....lemme ask Larry Sprinkle....



And the man of the hour. Santa!

Day one down, many to go

Yesterday I left for some much needed alone time. When I returned 5-6 hours later, I was told by Bon that Ty shouldn't have his paci anymore because his teeth are all funky. So I take a deep breath and say okay.

Before bed, I search his room and find two paci's on the floor. Stick them in my pocket and as I rock him, he asks about his "sa-sa". I lie and tell him they are lost, but I'll look for them. I lay him down and didn't hear him the rest of the night. Today at church was a little harder because he was whiney and loud and Bon had to take him out twice because we couldn't hush him up by shoving a 'sa sa' in his mouth.

Nap time he whined for them and again I lied and told him I'd look for them. I layed him down and he screamed and hollered and cried for a good 15 minutes. Then he slept until loud Ryan woke him up.

And now bedtime again. And again with the lie. But only minimal chatter from him and no crying. So here's an end to the 'sa sa' phase. It makes me sad that my "baby" is growing up. And I'm hoping that all the 'sa sa's' I can't find right now will be found by me and not Ty.

Things that annoy me

I have a lot of things that annoy me, but the annoying things usually happen when I'm driving or away from my computer. So tonight's list is short because I'm going from memory and y'all know how well *I* can remember stuff.

1. When you're in the line at a drive thru and people think that 6 feet between their front bumper and the car in front of them is sufficient space. It's a drive thru! Move up moron! Is anyone really going super fast through that line that they might actually do damage if there happened to be a fender bender?! I mean, really?

2. People who use the self-checkouts at stores that have absolutely NO IDEA how to scan items. I'd just love to be in their heads as they try to figure out that the barcode must pass over the scanner. "hm, maybe if I press the label of my soup on this red line, it'll scan. Nope. How bout the top of the can. Nope. Maybe the bottom of the can. Nope. Oh, I get it, I get it. It's the back of the label." beep "Sweet!" Next item. "I bet Cap'n Crunch's hat has the secret code on it. Nope. I bet it's this maze game on the back. Nope. I bet it's the bottom of the box." beep "Score!" And so on. Holy crap people. Get a clue!

Wow, I sound like a completely horrible person, but I swear I'm not. Much. Really!

3. This one has to do with my sweetie. I love it when I make a new recipe and you don't eat it at all. You taste a tiny bit of sauce with your finger and decide not to eat. Makes me feel great!

And a whine. Bon has had a stressful week at work, which has meant long hours for him. Well, it's been long hours since we moved really. He leaves here at 7:45ish and then most nights will return between 6:30-7. Last week really sucked because after we would eat, we'd get the kids to bed and he'd fall asleep with them. So I hardly saw him. That's how it's been this week too, except for falling asleep, which he's only done once this week. But oh well. I hope that once this stressful thing is over, maybe he'll be home earlier. It's not like his job saves lives or is something so vital that it can't wait for tomorrow. At least, that's how this grumpy wife sees it.

A Paul Revere moment

Bear with me.

Christmas is coming!!
Christmas is coming!!
Christmas is coming!!


ACK! Why is it that the days seem to go by faster when it's closer to Christmas?! Oh, maybe it's because it's dark at 6:00 pm. But seriously. I don't think we have one thing for Christmas purchased yet for anyone! That's kinda stressful! I started a list of things we can get for people, but I lost it. That adds to my craziness I'm sure.

Anyway. I just wanted you to all be aware that Christmas is coming. To see if you'll be stressed out like me. Aren't I nice?

6th picture 6th folder

Jeanette tagged me. I kinda secretly like being tagged. I'm selfish that way.

so 6th picture from 6th folder is


Wow. So artistic with the angle and messiness of it. This was obviously taken by Ryan, who loves to take many, MANY pictures with my camera. Some are suprisingly good. Others? Um. Not so good.

Okay, so I tag Dorshan, Green Girl, Amy A., Lisa, April and Heidi.

Halloween!

My husband told me the other day that he found my blog by searching for "my retrac family". Uh, why were you looking for my blog? (not that he's not allowed, I just didn't think he was interested.) He was thinking that I might have Halloween pictures up.

Oh. Well. Maybe if I was a good mom I would have. ;) So without further ado, here are our kids in all their pre-sugared glory.



Reagan started out being Fancy Nancy, but decided to be a princess instead. Ryan was a "dar-wook Ninja!" (dark Ninja) And even though I'm anti-vampire, Ty was the cutest Dracula alive!

Ha, get it? Play on words there. I'm clever today, keep up.

He would go to people's doors and they would just smile and say how cute he was. Cause he was totally cute.

The kids got a lot of loot. And glow in the dark necklaces at one house which they thought was awesome!

There ya go, Hubster. *smooch*

Things I've done

I saw this on Lee's blog, who saw it on Alissa's blog. I wanted to see how many I could bold. You try it and let me know!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band(band in high school totally counts, right?!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a Meteor Shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a Mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a Lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke(Rockband and Singstar 80's and 90's!)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Cause the last one's not working

After one month of being in the south

http://s137.photobucket.com/albums/q210/beboretrac/Reagan/?action=view¤t=100_3798.flv

Some evidence that we're real

The kids enjoyed decorating Daddy's cupcakes. Reagan felt that all the ones she decorated should have a little bit of every sprinkle on. Ty didn't care quite so much. See that cupcake on the left with like, one shake of yellow sprinkles on it? Ty.

And since I did my make up today (for my dumb NC driver's license) I thought I'd try and get a good picture of Bon and I.

(Excuse the zit on my chin. Make up wouldn't cover that thing.)

First attempt. I said, "Look happy!"



I didn't mean *that* happy! We laugh.

Try again.



Ha! Seriously now! C'mon. I give him a little slap on the bum.


Now he thinks he's all that. Who knew I married such a comedian?! ;)

Okay. For real this time.


Ahhhh...that's better.

Happy birthday hubby.

Even though I don't think you even read this blog. Today I'm going to try and get the house clean. That's your present. I know. Totally what you've been waiting for. I'm also going to try and get my nc drivers license. Because you were totally mad that things didn't work out for me to get it yesterday. That's how much I love you. To be brave enough to take the boys with me while I take a test and smile and sign my name for an ugly piece of plastic. (And that's if I pass!)

Love you Bon. And thanks for all you do for us and me. :)

Beth Anne would be so proud

My cousin Beth Anne is a born and bred Arkansan. Has a southern twang that Texans admire. She's also the cutest thing (and single, in case any of you sahm's reading this care). lol Here's why she'd be proud.

Reagan was running a fever on Saturday. I was laying beside her asking her if she hurt anywhere. No, just her head. Where at on your head?

On my ah.

Your EYE?

Yeah. My eye.

You see...moving down here, my mother-in-law was hoping that the kids wouldn't pick up on the southern drawl and start saying things like "hankerin" and "ain't". And so far, things have been pretty normal.

Of course, the boys are stuck home with me all day, Bon sits at an office with English and French people with a slight twist of southern.

But Reagan. Poor Reagan. From 8-2 she is being taught by a couple of teachers with drawls and probably hears a lot more twang in one day than I do in a week. So each day when I pick her up from school, I wait to hear her words. And I do hear a change sometimes. However, it's usually faded by the time we make it home.

So, Beth Anne....be proud. And be lucky she's cute like you. :)


And some cute things Ty says:

k-bob = ketchup
poopyhead = well...poopyhead. He loves to say this. Over and over and over. Like "No I not, poopyhead!" or "I love you mommy, poopyhead!" Bon tries to tell him to stop, but me? I think it's hilarious and have to hide my smile/laughs everytime he says it.

Our realtor said

It never rained in the Carolina's. Hm. The two or three times that we came down to check out houses, it rained. Since we've lived here it's rained at least one day a week. Sometimes two. Apparently it does rain. Lots. I guess North Carolina is not in drought conditions any more. So glad our moving here could help the entire state. :P

And then there are days like this

Waking up at two in the morning from a bad dream. Checking on the kids to make sure they were still okay and spending extra moments memorizing their faces. Telling your husband about the bad dream, only to have the visions in your head. So real. So sad. Much crying before 7 a.m. Still having the heartache of loss. Empty arms, someone missing. The longing for more. Nothing a store could ever sell me, but more of us. Knowing that with more I become a person I don't like to be for 3 months.

Sometimes I wish time would rewind. We could push the minute hand back and set the pendulum swinging. Start over where we were last happy, where haunting visions didn't creep in, where laughing and feeling joy weren't so tiring.

The worst book I've read in a while

It has great reviews, however, not from me. I was so bored reading this book that I would skip chapters that weren't relevant to the book. It's a work of fiction told from the viewpoint of an autistic boy. I have nothing against those with autism, but man, this book was slow! And boring! I even asked some mof's (my online friends) if they had read it, just to see if they could tell me what happened. They hadn't. So I had to finish reading it so I would know, but it was painful. I would not recommend this book.

Ever have those days?

Do you ever have those days where your kids are throwing out one-liners like crazy and you think "I should totally blog about this!"??

But by the time you finish your day and tuck your angelic kids into bed, you forget everything?

Yeah.

Me.either.


I wasn't nearly as productive today as yesterday. I managed to go to the school for the Ident-A-Kid thing, then schlepped over to the post office. The boys were doing quite well and the lady was asking me if I needed any more stamps, etc. Ty saw they had Mickey Mouse stamps and exclaimed "Mickey Mouse Cubhouz!!!" really loud in that tiny post office. The people in line chuckled and the po worker laughed and said, "And we also have Mickey Mouse stamps." lol I think everyone in the building heard Ty. He was really that loud.

Then we went to the library. Which in this town is just a branch of the bigger county library(ies?). So it's pretty tiny. But I have discovered two new authors that I like. Joan Hess and Diane Mott Davidson. Joan has Claire Malloy series which I've read two of so far and they're pretty good. They both write mysteries.

We also found a kids book that I love and the kids loved!

You must check it out!

I think that's all for the night!

Said today

This morning I was telling Bon that I had a weird dream.

"You know those twins from Antique Roadshow that know everything about furniture?"

"yeah. Were you macking and then they'd switch and you didn't know it?"

"what? NO! (that's gross!) Anyway one of them and another lady were at my grandma's house. The lady asked me how long I'd been married and I couldn't quite do the math in my head, so I figured it out to be close to eleven years. Then they guy asked me how old I was and I paused because I couldn't think of it right away. He said he was 38. Then I told him I was 29. Then I woke up."

Weird. Then somehow the topic switched to Chippendale furniture, except Bon was thinking Chippendales, the kind that wear a bow tie and not much else and proceded to make the proper bow chicka wow wow sounds. If I only had some dollar bills....

Ty is exploding with his talking. He talked before, but now he's talking in full out paragraphs it seems. His favorite thing to say lately is "no ur not!" Like I would say "I'm going to change your diaper now!" "No ur not!"

Wow, it's almost been a month.

I swear I post more, but I guess not.

We are now moved, in case you haven't talked to our family since July and didn't know that we sold our house, bought a new house and trekked down to North Carolina.

Reagan started kindergarten on Monday. And on Wednesday she got to ride the bus in the morning. The afternoon ride would be almost 2 hours long! And she lives 5 minutes from the school! So I'll be picking her up in the afternoons. She is enjoying going to school and it's a lot quieter around here without all the arguing between her and Ryan. Bon and I do feel sad though, because she has said that so far this week no one has played with her at recess. Yesterday she just walked around. :( That was heartbreaking to hear. But today she told me she helped a boy named Cody find kids to scare. lol I have no idea what that means. I was trying to figure out if the kids he was scaring were playing with them, but she told me she wasn't playing with them, just helping Cody. Ok...whatever!

The boys get along fairly well while she's at school. Ryan wants me to play with him all the time. I need to break him of that! lol We have some trees behind our house and I sent them out to the "woods" today to explore. They looked so cute out there with thier walking sticks. I really hope there isn't poison ivy out there. (i know, i'm a great mom!)

Bon worked from home on Monday, but since has gone into the office. I dropped by some cookies yesterday. His boss bought his lunch Tues. and Wed. and said that if he works through lunch, she'll buy. I laughed out loud when he told me and said "did you tell her you ALWAYS work through lunch?!" He chuckled and said he didn't. He's gonna get fat with all this food...since his normal diet is no breakfast, maybe a peanut butter sandwich for lunch with doritos and an occasional good dinner. Now he still doesn't eat breakfast, but eating lunch and so far (yeah, all 5-6 days) we've had good dinners. *gasp* I know it's a total shocker that I can actually plan ahead and cook! It shocks me too.

We had a coupon from our realtor for two free hours of handyman services. So some guy came yesterday and was able to hang blinds in the whole upstairs. Yay! We can finally use our master bathroom! Bon took a shower in our shower this morning for the first time. We've been using the hall bathroom. (we aren't completely gross!)

Well, the kids sound like they are getting into lots of trouble downstairs without me. I better check it out.

Another good conversation

The following conversation actually happened while coming home from Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Ryan: Mom, are grandma and grandpa married?
Me: (giggling a little) Yes.
Ryan: Then why don't they have any babies?
Me: (giggling a little harder) Because they already had all their babies.
Ryan: Did they all die??
Me: (full out laughing) No. Daddy is one of their babies.
Ryan: (with total confusion in his voice) Daddy?
Me: Yeah, Daddy was one of grandma and grandpa's babies.

We thought it was so funny, that even though we had just spent several hours there, Bon called them and re-told the conversation to them. Ryan is our weird question asker. And his favorite joke to tell?

Why do gorillas have big holes in their noses?

Because they have big fingers!!

Or the ever popular knock knock joke...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo cargo.

Although I'm pretty sure in his mind it's "Car Go". And if you couldn't tell, it's completely made up and we follow with the "ah ha ha ha" fake laugh because it's really not funny at all. We're such good parents! ;)

Tomorrow (well, actually today since it's late) I'm dropping the boys off at grandma's house and taking Reagan shopping for school shoes/clothes and to lunch. I've been so worried about her starting school late. She'll almost be a month late in starting and I really hope it's not an issue. There were too many unknowns to register her in Miamisburg schools, which looking back on, I would've done. We've been in this house for a month now and will be here for another week and a half. But as the saying goes, you live and you learn. Or hindsight is always 20/20. Whichever makes more sense.